Enter the “Why I Hate Christmas” Contest

Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, and Don Feder, president of Jews Against Anti-Christian Defamation, have launched a "Why I Hate Christmas" contest today. Donohue explains as follows:

"On December 6, a Zogby Poll disclosed that 95% of Americans are not offended by being greeted with a ‘Merry Christmas' while shopping. Don Feder and I would like to know more about the 5% who object and have thus launched our ‘Why I Hate Christmas' contest. Contestants must answer the following questions:

1. Explain relationship with father.

2. Explain relationship with mother.

3. State what religion, if any, were you raised in.

4. List all phobias, e.g., fear of God.

5. List all superstitions, e.g., belief in Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

6. State which historical figure is most like you: (a) Hitler, (b) Stalin, (c) Mao, (d) Pol Pot, or (e) Rosie O'Donnell.

7. State last time you hallucinated.

8. State last book you read before crashing.

9. State how many times you've laughed in the past 10 years: (a) once, (b) more than once but not more than thrice, (c) more than thrice but not more than five times, (d) can't recall.

10. List all prior mental disorders.

"Please send us a photo so we can post your picture on our website, along with your response. The winner will receive a free copy of the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol. Finally, we will send your statement to Jackie Mason for a free psychological evaluation."

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  • Guest

    Here are my answers to your questionnaire,
    Please let me know when I win!

    l. I had a good relationship with both of my fathers.

    2. I didn’t know “mother” was a word all by itself.

    3. I’m not sure what religion I was raised in, but it had 94 commandments…… I couldn’t hardly move without getting busted.

    4. Many phobias – – Fear of rulers, fear of hairbrushes, fear of razor straps.

    5. I had no superstitions, in fact I had no regular stitions either.

    6. Would Captain Kangaroo be an historical figure?

    7. It was just last night, shortly after I stole a wrinkly cigarette.

    8. I never read while driving.

    9. Your choices on this question are too limited. I have laughed at least a thousand times in the past ONE Year! In fact, I find it difficult to stop laughing. (LOL LOL LOL)

    10. It’s funny you ask for that list. Fortunately I never had any mental disorders, but everybody I know seems to have plenty.

    Your last paragraph causes me to wonder if you have a mental disorder, because you didn’t even describe what you want a photo of???
    I could send you a photo of my fathers playing “kick the can”. That should certainly be a prize winner.

    Please send my prize in DVD form, because reading gives me a headache.
    I will forgo the Jackie Mason evaluation because I get evaluations all the time.

  • Guest

    I confess that I do not qualify to take this quiz, since I dearly love Christmas.

    (Whoo-hoo! Give that Boy a little more hay under His head!)

    I remain your obedient servant, but God’s first,

    Pristinus Sapienter

    (wljewell @mail.catholicexchange.com or …yahoo.com)