Electronic “Holidays”

Surely there is a 12-Step meeting for this too. Every week, sometimes daily, I’ll open my e-mail to see, “Someone sent you a greeting card!” and think, “Again? I don’t have time for this. I haven’t even read my e-comics, LOLCats, LOLDogs, Facebook or Twitter.”

And I don’t have it in me to delete the card before opening it. At least someone other than my dog thought of me and showed it. And an e-greeting will never pee on the Oriental. Besides, if I hadn’t opened today’s card, I’d have never known it’s “Happy Blue Jeans Day!” The sender hopes my day is “riveting.”

Pick a month. Any month. Last February alone, I received greetings celebrating Presidents Day, Groundhog Day, Thumb Appreciation Day, Phone Directory Day and Washington Day, complete with George’s moving lips. I figured I’d received every possible greeting created for the month. I was wrong.

Perusing the greeting card web site, I found four (that’s 4) pages of electronic greeting cards designed specifically for February. From one company. In a short month!

Worth noting:

*Jewelry Day: Don’t know if you’re supposed to wear it or buy it. Either way is fine with me.

*Weatherperson’s Day: I suppose even folks that are wrong 50% of the time need a special day. Update tonight at six.

*National Homemade Soup Day: My son was actually sick on this day and scary but true, I made soup. Please don’t spread this around. I don’t want to get a bad rap from the other moms at the bus stop.

*Temporary Insanity Day: This one began the day I said “Yes!” and hasn’t ended since.

*Flirting Week: An entire week? Will I get jewelry?

*Cigar Day: Where is my brother and his humidor when I need him?

*National New Idea Week: Like someone other than me putting a new bar of soap in the shower? Eating what I fix? Hanging up clean clothes instead of shoving them under the bed? You mean those kind of New Ideas?

*National Obnoxious Day: Can I send it anonymously?

*Have A Heart Day: Why is there a picture of a smiling cow on the front of this card?

*Schnozz Day: Haven’t a clue and not sure I want to know.

With such a selection, I couldn’t help notice some special days were lacking their own greeting.

I suggest:

*National Macaroni and Cheese Day: Breakfast, lunch and dinner Amen.

*Send Out The Laundry Day: Oh why stop at one day?

*Good Hair Day: A girl can dream.

*National Park It And Leave It Day: Sorry kids, no T-ball today. Mommy’s minivan is locked in the garage on this holiday.

*”Mom” Is Not A Legitmate Name Day. Mom has left the building. Try again tomorrow. Or not.

*International Bus Stop Mommies Day: (My favorite.) A day to celebrate that sacred, unshakable, indispensable bond shared by mothers of every location and generation. See you at the corner.

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  • Claire

    Thumb appreciation day?!

  • Ann

    Pinkie Toe Day!!