Drop Everything, Love Your Wives

In case all of you men have not heard Tuesday is Valentine’s Day.  That’s right the pressure is on to make sure you get that special something to show your wife or fiancée that you love her (Note: I’m writing to men who are married or will be married, but the message should help out all men).

Now don’t worry because this has been resolved for you!  Just buy her a dozen roses (with the free vase!) in her favorite color.  If that doesn’t work, why not get her a pajamagram – what woman doesn’t like new pajamas while it is still cold out.  Not enough, then really show her you love her by buying those diamond earrings she has been longing for (you can even trade them in next year for a larger pair and only pay the difference – imagine how big they will be in ten years!).  If you are running out of time just go for the staples: a nice card with a box of chocolates – that will at least meet the standard of what she is expecting from you.

Truth is, while all of the above are nice and will surely bring a smile to her face, none of it is enough. None of the above meets the real standard for loving our wives or fiancées.

Jesus Christ has set the standard for the gift she deserves.  If you want to show her you love her this Valentine’s Day do this:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.(Eph. 5: 26-29)

This is the gift she truly desires and deserves from you.  Drop everything that holds you back from loving your wife or fiancée like Christ loved his Church.  Only you know what it is that prevents you from this type of love.  Is it work, friends, sports, pornography, hobbies, selfishness, and on and on and on?  Identify it, seek God’s healing from it (get to the Sacrament of Reconciliation) and drop it from your life.

Be a real man for her – a man of God. All of this requires a wild abandonment to Christ first and foremost. Go to Him, especially in the Eucharist, and learn from Him. Learn to love her as He loved the Church.

Be her gift this Valentine’s Day.

P.S. To my beloved wife Lori: I love you and desire to love you more and more each day as Christ loved His Church.  Thank you for loving me and challenging me to grow as a husband and father – to grow as a man of God. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Michael Lavigne


Michael Lavigne currently serves as the Director of the Office for Lifelong Faith Formation and Parish Support in the Archdiocese of Boston. Previously he served as the director for the Diocese of Portland Office of Lifelong Faith Formation. For the past twenty-one years he has served in the Catholic Church as a retreat coordinator, coordinator of youth ministry and religious education, diocesan leadership team moderator, coach, high school theology teacher and department chair and confirmation coordinator. Michael has earned Bachelor of Arts degrees in psychology and communications from Rhode Island College, as well as a Master of Arts degree in theology from Providence College. Michael is married to Lori and they are the blessed parents of Michael Jr., Mariana, John Paul, Therese, Julia and Chiara. The Lavigne’s reside in Taunton, MA. Michael and Lori write regularly at their blog: www.throughthecatholiclens.com.

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  • Esperanzapeters

    When we , women, know we are loved in such way, there is little or no need for flowers, diamonds or anything external; it’s the daily subtle I love you’s that come on the way of call in the middle of the day, a please and thank you for the ordinary acts of service, affirmation of your place in your husbands heart and of the talents and gifts of the person. That came make everyday Valentine’ s day …. and a woman to desire to love and serve her husband all the days of her life…. EP/ Texas

  • yolandabello@yahoo.com

    What would you do for love?

                    19 yrs ago I learned most
    profoundly the meaning of this statement, when my son was 11 and a boy, not
    even his close friend, told me he would do sacrifices for my son’s vocation. He
    never noticed, but those words hit me like I had heard the voice of God, that
    moment. Those words shat thru me, changing me into someone I had never been
    before. Since then, that statement 
    lights my life at every level, not like a lighthouse in the fog, not
    like headlights of my car in the rain, not like a candle during prayers, but
    like the sun, brilliantly detailing the intricacy of how love rules every
    moment, every thought, every step, every temptation to not.

                    Nine years ago, my husband and I
    moved to Omaha, NE. and shortly after, I went to volunteer at a large parish of
    mostly Spanish people. Very quickly it became evident what God was drawing my
    eyes to see. The Hispanics have NO ACCESS to Natural Family Planning here,
    none. The parishes don’t teach it, the radio station tells all about free love,
    and their doctors press them ferociously to use contraceptives but better yet
    to get sterilized, that is the most practical of all. To date, I have met two
    24 yrs old sterilized at 21, irrationally pressed by their doctors to do so.
    Countless of married women are been sterilized without knowing what they
    signed, and some never signed anything, just went to deliver her second or
    third child.

                    So I became a Natural Family Planning
    teacher and I use this statement in my classes as an introduction to Natural
    Family Planning. What would you do for love?

                    The classes teach couples how to
    use their conjugal fertility strategically as to space their children according
    to their plans, life styles, financial situations, even careers and vacations,
    using what is there naturally already, the rhythm of nature. No, it’s not the
    rhythm method, nor the calendar method, but the understanding of how to notice
    one’s own fertile time.

                    We, women, learn to know the
    time of fertility, the moment of ovulation. Try it, it’s incredibly
    empowering.  It is true control of one’s
    own body, one’s own sensations, one’s own choices, yes, one’s own choices are then
    blatantly clear.

                    As opposed to what??? Any woman
    using contraception will tell you about the headaches, sore breasts, moodiness,
    weight gain, depression, and some more sensitive ones will tell you that they
    know they are used, just used, not loved.

                    Some may be aware of the side
    effects, worst yet are the consequences:  the many cancers killing women the past 30 yrs,
    such as breast, cervical or ovarian cancer, permanent changes to the cervix, blood
    clots, birth defects of the children conceived while on the pill, strokes,
    shrinking womb, greater susceptibility to AIDS due to the weakening of the
    immune system, irreversible bone loss, decreased libido, acne, hair loss, back
    pain, and the knowledge that the pill does not always prevent pregnancies, so early
    undetected abortions are a reality, no one knows just how frequently it happens.

                    That brings back the initial
    question. What would she do for love?…Take contraception, even though it may
    kill her, for her guy?

                    But, what would her guy do for
    love?? Keep her on contraceptives to “love” her often? Or to take her off
    contraceptives to love her deeply?

                Current statistic for divorce rates
    is 51% across all faiths but it is .2% among NFP users, and for the  prayerful ones….? divorce rate is.02%.

                    So, what would you do for love?

    Yolanda Bello  http://theoutlawedgod.wordpress.com