Comedian Quips


10. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. –George Burns

9. If you're born with a defective sense of humor, you have a very good chance of getting to the top. –Peter Cook

8. I'm a patriot. If I had been old enough to be drafted during the Vietnam War, rest assured, I would have used an American rifle to shoot myself in the foot. –Tim Allen

7. I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. –Fred Allen

6. If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. –Bob Hope

5. Money can't buy you friends, but it gets you a better class of enemy. –Spike Mulligan

4. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes. –Bill Cosby

3. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. –Steven Wright

2. Men like to barbeque. Men will cook if danger is involved. –Rita Rudner

1. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. –Rodney Dangerfield

(This list courtesy of Gilbert!, The Magazine of G.K. Chesterton.)

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