Camp Grandma

The brochure arrived anonymously in the mail just as I was planning a business trip with no one to watch my children.  The dates coincidently coordinated.  One look at the Camp Grandma brochure and I was sold.

Nestled deep within a lushly landscaped Ft. Myers, Florida Over 55 Active Lifestyle Community, staffers at Camp Grandma will treat your children as if they’re their own grandchildren.

Kids will love the fact that the camp cook prepares meals consisting of two colors, white and brown.  Mashed potatoes and gravy, pasta, soft white bread, twinkies, potato chips, popcorn, cola, homemade beef jerky, brownies, cookies, cake and ice cream.  Early registrars receive their own can of Rediwhip each night at dessert.  “At Camp Grandma I got to eat all the junk food my mom would never ever let me have at home!” boasts former camper Johnny Tubbo.

Camp Grandma offers a wide variety of highly educational and entertaining activities for your child.  Our highly trained, experienced camp counselors have your child’s utmost safety and well-being in mind throughout all activities.  The following is just  a partial list of nonstop fun your kids can have at Camp Grandma this summer.

Entertainment:  “No really, Grandma,  Dad rented this movie for us before.  It’s okay.”

Pool Care and Safety: Campers will be instructed in pool safety, including sunscreen SPF’s, floating alarms with added emphasis on the no diving or splashing Grandma rules.  Favorite highlights of this class include managing the pool heater controls, automatic pool vaccuum and manual skimmers.

Shopping 101:  Summer afternoon weather can bring unpredicted storms, so this class is often scheduled at the last minute.  Special features of this class include making a budget and learning how to ignore it, buying ill-sized clothing with “You’ll grow into it” on the tag and ensuring the camper goes home with at least three things that when asked, “Would your mother let you wear this?” answered “No.”

Jerky making:  Our camp original! Children learn to marinate meat, arrange in dehydrator and patiently wait  37 hours while tempting aromas overtake the foothills.  Please note:  Special Waiver form #22B, “Orthodontia & Loose Tooth Loss” must be completed and signed before campers can participate.

Soft Cookie baking:  For those campers who didn’t complete form #22B.

Story telling:  A daily activity at Camp Grandma, but most fun around the community pool or home movie projector.  Campers will return home armed with countless embellished stories to share with their teachers, friends, friends’ parents and strangers in checkout lines.  Campers will attend special sessions where they will be encouraged to share their own stories of home.  Creativity and attention to detail are rewarded with extra dessert.

Register early so your kids can attend the only summer camp that requires secret government debriefing before they can step out in public.  Or at least speakt to anyone you know.

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