Dear Catholic Exchange:
I have a friend who lost his daughter three years ago — it was a rapid thing alas. It started with a big headache the previous night, hospitalized early next morning and was declared brain dead a few hours later. She was the third out of five daughters but was the apple of his eye. He has turned against God and does not go to church any more. He says he does not believe in God's goodness any more. I can't find the words to get him to accept that what has happened was not because God wanted to take his daughter away. He refuses to talk to any priest here. I hope you can pass this request to a knowledgeable person to explain what happened. I think the reply should be in the form of an article addressed to people who lost a dear one and are angry with God and blame what happened on Him.
Please help — I want my dear friend back into the Catholic fold.
Thanks and best wishes,
Edgar Busietta
Dear Edgar:
I have very little to offer you in terms of “explanations” of what happened. Likewise, I have no power to change your friend's will. Sometimes, people get furious with God because of the evils he permits to come into their lives. They have free will and can do this. But, of course, the only ones they end up punishing are themselves. That's not because God is an unfeeling monster. It's because God has already endured more hell than we can imagine, on the Cross. He's already brought life out of death. Now he's waiting for us to realize that this is really so and that he's already been down to the bottom of the pain we are just now experiencing.
At the end of the day, your friend will only have two choices: He can let his anger at God permanently cut him off from hope or he can seek comfort from the God he rages at — Who knows personally his grief and desires to heal his heart. If he can really find it within himself to choose hope over despair then he will be able to find peace. That will take the work of the Holy Spirit. And that will best be served by the prayers of friends like you.
Don't despair of your friend. Grief is a road and it takes time to reach home.
God bless him and you, his good friend.
Mark Shea
Senior Content Editor
Catholic Exchange
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