Dear Catholic Exchange:
My husband is obsessed with pornography and has been sexually violent in our past. If he refuses to seek help, what obligation do I really have to him?
Please help me.
Amy
Dear Amy,
Peace in Christ! The Code of Canon Law, canon 1151, is clear on this matter: “Spouses have the duty and right to preserve conjugal living unless a legitimate cause excuses them (emphasis added). Canon 1153, §§1 and 2, is specific to the threat of violence in a marriage:
If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay. In all cases, when the cause for the separation ceases, conjugal living must be restored unless ecclesiastical authority has established otherwise.
According to this canon, there is no obligation to remain in a situation that would potentially subject you to harm. If your spouse will seek help, you should do all within your power for the healing of the marriage and the preservation of the bond. This may include marriage counseling in which you both participate. Even if he is seeking help, there is still no obligation to remain until you are satisfied that the danger has ceased. Seek the advice of a counselor or good spiritual director. The desire to protect the good of marriage can sometimes cause a spouse not to recognize or fully admit the reality of the danger.
See also the Catechism, nos. 2263-67 on legitimate self-defense. Though this section addresses other issues, the principles apply to your situation. “Love toward oneself remains a fundamental principle of the moral law” (no. 2264). You have a legitimate right to avoid harm and to insist on respect for your dignity as a person and, more specifically, as a woman and a spouse. You are not an object for the personal gratification of another. An obsession with pornography causes the one who is ensnared by it to transfer that same kind of objectifying tendency “into their own relationships and can come to lack reverence or respect for others as precious children of God and as brothers and sisters in the same human family” (Pontifical Council for Social Communications, Pornography and Violence in the Media, no. 13.) You have a moral right not to be subject to such behavior.
If you have further questions on this or would like more information about Catholics United for the Faith, please contact us at 1-800-MY-FAITH (693-2484). Please keep us in your prayers as we endeavor to “support, defend, and advance the efforts of the teaching Church.”
United in the Faith,
David E. Utsler
Information Specialist
Catholics United for the Faith
827 North Fourth Street
Steubenville, OH 43952
800-MY-FAITH (800-693-2484)
Is Breaking a Civil Law a Sin?
Dear Catholic Exchange:
Is it a sin to break governmental laws as long as one does not deny their faith?
In Christ,
Robert
Dear Robert,
Peace in Christ! Civil authority is not merely a human invention, but has been established by God for the common good (Catechism, no. 2234). “Those subject to [civil] authority should regard those in authority as representatives of God, who has made them stewards of his gifts” (Catechism, no. 2238; cf. Romans 13:1-2). Submission to lawful civil authority is the law of God. Refusal to obey civil authorities under ordinary circumstances is a transgression of law ordained by God.
Extraordinary circumstances in which we may be morally obliged to refuse obedience to civil authority are based on the principle that we serve God first and the political community second (Catechism, no. 2242). God established civil authority, so all power that the government has comes, not from themselves, but from God alone. Therefore, when the civil authority acts contrary to the law of God, our duty is to God. The Fathers of Vatican II state it as follows:
When citizens are under the oppression of a public authority which oversteps its competence, they should still not refuse to give or to do what is objectively demanded of them by the common good; but it is legitimate for them to defend their own rights and those of their fellow citizens against the abuse of this authority within the limits of the natural law and the Law of the Gospel (Catechism, no. 2242; Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World [Gaudium et Spes], no. 74 §5).
I hope this answers your question. If you have further questions on this or would like more information about Catholics United for the Faith, please contact us at 1-800-MY-FAITH (693-2484). Please keep us in your prayers as we endeavor to “support, defend, and advance the efforts of the teaching Church.”
United in the Faith,
David E. Utsler
Information Specialist
Catholics United for the Faith
827 North Fourth Street
Steubenville, OH 43952
800-MY-FAITH (800-693-2484)
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