House Unseen

Dwija Borobia

Why are homeschooled kids so annoying?

by Dwija Borobia on April 22, 2012 · 421 comments

About a year ago, when I first started considering taking my kids out of public school, I wasn’t met with the kind of incredulous questioning that I expected after suggesting something so reckless and foolhardy.  For the most part people were excited and supportive and helpful.  Many thought we were already homeschooling, in fact.  What surprised me most though is that folks who were concerned about the prudence of such a decision weren’t worried that my children might not learn enough or the the right things.  They didn’t wonder how my kids would know how to be quiet when they were supposed to or to wait in lines when they have to.

No, the biggest concern among the concerned was: SOCIALIZATION.  Ahhhh!  Socialize those kids!  Learnin’, schmlearning- those kids need to be among herds of other kids their exact age in order to learn how to be normal.  In other words: homeschooled kids are annoying and weird, and you don’t want your kids to be annoying and weird, do you?

Annoying and weird.

Well, if someone tries to tell you that their kids are never annoying, they’re lying to you.  And if someone else tries to tell you that any child of mine isn’t going to be at least a little weird no matter how they’re educated, they’ve lost their minds.

But I digress.

Why is this perception of the weirdo homeschooler so pervasive?  Why is it that despite the clear academic achievement of most homeschooled students, the fear of them “acting like that one weirdo guy I knew when I was a kid” is enough to turn otherwise supportive folks against the idea?  I’ve thought about it a lot and the best explanation I can come up with is this: ridicule.

See, everyone is born with a certain temperament.  Parents of more than one will all attest to this.  Same parents, same environment, same rules….completely different reactions from their children.  And some kids- well, some kids are annoying.  And what do I mean by “annoying”?  I mean what people mean when they say that homeschooled kids are annoying.  I mean kids who ask too many questions and know too much information and like certain stuff and refuse to like other things and don’t care what other people think about their silly hobbies and their know-it-all-ness.

When “annoying” kids like this go to a traditional school, they’re ridiculed.  They have a hard, or even impossible, time finding their niche.  They must either hide their true personality and inclinations in order to be accepted or they’re pushed to the fringes and made to feel abnormal.  Not good enough.  Made to feel less likable than those who keep their ideas and opinions to themselves or fail to form any to begin with.  Made to feel that convictions and fascinations are stupid and that pop culture is the only culture.  Not because “normal” kids are mean.  They mostly don’t even know they’re doing it, I assure you.  They just don’t know what to do with someone who’s so, like, weird.  Ya know?

I know.  I was one of those weird kids.

My eldest daughter knows.  She is one of those weird kids.

But when one of those “annoying” kids is homeschooled, no one makes fun of their outfits that don’t match.  Or the fact that they like to memorize things and wish the math assignments were harder.  No one looks at them askance when they know every answer to every question and are eager to share their knowledge.  When an annoying kid like that finds a new hobby and wants to learn everything they can about it and talk about it incessantly, no one treats them like there’s something wrong with pursuing an interest like that, no matter how dull it may seem to the other members of the homeschool classroom.  They are not ridiculed into trying to be who God didn’t create them to be.

Pages: 1 2

Dwija Borobia lives with her husband and their five kids in rural southwest Michigan in a fixer-upper they bought sight-unseen off the internet. Between homeschooling and corralling chickens, she pretends her time on the internet doesn’t count because she uses the computer standing up. You can read more on her blog house unseen. life unscripted.

Tagged as: Best of Blogs, child development, homeschooling, motherhood

← Older Comments
  • Guest

    The

  • Jeanie

    There are pros and cons to all types of schools. There is no perfect fit. What I do see as a 7th grade teacher, is that many homeschoolers who come into public school after being at home is that they lack the creativity and higher order thinking that is born out of dialog and problem-solving with fellow classmates. The inner-classroom competitiveness, sharing and rigor is lacking. Additionally, nearly all homeschoolers require approval and checking before moving on to the next steps or before turning in assignments. (i.e., “Is this right?” “Am I doing this right?” “Can you check this?”) It shows a deficit in confidence and ability to stand their ground on decision-making. I am not saying these are necessarily bad traits, but it does put students at a disadvantage if/when they go to pubic school. It is something that parents need to be aware of if they choose to homeschool. There needs to be rigor. There needs to be higher order thinking. Do not quickly grade and check all your student’s work without make them think through their assignments for alternative ideas/answers.

  • Connie Jones Orman

    Wonderfully written! Thank you! We are just finishing remodeling a 100 year old farmhouse after 2 long years, the chickens are next year. So, basically, I want to be you when I grown up!

  • jkphipps

    I have several friends that home school. I don’t. I have 3 boys in public school they each have some goofy friends. I agree that kids are kids no matter where they school. The thing that I see lacking in the home school invironment is the respect for time and task. The “I can do it later”, “I want to sleep in”, I don’t want to get dresseded” attitude to daily responsibility is not how the world works. Asking questions is not weird or annoying. But, acting like you are the only one who should recieve attention is rude. The belief that a child will be smarter / get a better education, if they are home schooled is simply not true. There is a very clear need for social norms. Society is dependent upon them. The educational system in America is not top notch (to say the least). But, I would never say that there are not very intelligent people in the school system. There will be very successful people, leaders in business, developers, great neighbors, kind souls behind us in the checkout lines, and outstanding parents no matter where they are educated -if they are educated. Society is struggling. And because I know history…… I know that humanity began & developed with few educated people and many social norms. Now that this is reversed, I feel that it could be detrimental to humanity. Removing socialization – disregarding it is not good

    .

  • Helene

    Annoying? No, I’ve never come across that with all my home schooled friends. Socially awkward, YES. Eventually they learned to communicated and express their thoughts in a group of people that was not their siblings. (Coming from someone who attended a Christian school so don’t crank and me for being uber secularized and not understanding the distaste for public education.)

  • Luke

    Yours is a sentiment that is shared by far fewer homeschooled children than homeschooling parents. The minimization of socialization as “conceding to ridicule” or something like that is as poor an idea from an anecdotal standpoint as it is from a psychological and developmental standpoint. I am a homeschooled 28-year-old who has found some success in education and business, and am married to a homeschooled 24-year-old who has found more of the same. We have excelled in many venues of life, but have had to work incredibly hard to connect on a basic level with our peers.

    Education is important. Success is important. Neither exists outside of the realm of other people, and that fact is too often overlooked in the homeschooling world.

  • bt

    The bottom line of this article is good – kids should feel empowered to be who they are, as God made them, without fear of ridicule. However, at some point, kids need to be able to stand up in the face of adversity and still be who they are. It’s real easy to feel free to be as God intends within the segregated and social limited world of a lot of homeschooled kids. But living in society is important. And parents go nuts over this, but kids need to be of a world that is bigger than just their families – like of their churches, of their eventual workplaces, and of a group of friends (because, at the very least, they can’t grow up to marry their siblings).

  • Claire

    Homeschool kids do live in society, and not all homeschooled kids are automatically segregated in a socially limited world. And I’m sure many homeschooled kid shave experience with adversity.

  • bt

    I’m speaking from my own experience, but I begged my parents to take me out of my catholic grade school. It was a toxic environment full of bullies (a good number of my classmates ended up either pregnant or with a record by the time they finished high school). But my parents made me stick it out and learn to be a good person amid those who, not only didn’t understand, but ridiculed me for it. I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe homeschooled kids get the opportunities to stand up for themselves. They are protected to the extent of not knowing what it’s like to live with people who are not like them – and I understand why parents want to protect their children, but in the long run, I think they’re doing them a disservice in a lot of cases.

  • bt

    I also want to say that there are good reasons to homeschool a child, but I don’t think a desire to control their social situation is ever a good reason (I do think that a child in danger with regard to their mental or physical health is an exception). And I do think that there are real social limitations to homeschooling that this author too simply dismisses.

  • Claire

    That is a generalization that might be true in some cases, but not in all.

  • Kelley

    …”who love them enough to homeschool them…” Wow, judgmental much?

    Actually, I love my kids enough to know that I would be the worst possible teacher for them due to any number of reasons but, in particular, a tremendous lack of patience.

  • Claire

    That’s a good point, Kelley. There have been a lot of judgmental anti-homeschooling comments on this thread, but you’re right that this comment is an example of judgment coming from the other side. I wish both sides could let go of the judgment and generalization. There is no one-size-fits all approach for every family. There are pros and cons to all types of education, and some will work better for some families than others.

  • Katie

    My husband and I have considered homeschooling and honestly, “socialization” is part of why we aren’t (yet). And it’s not because we want our kids to conform – it’s because we feel like it’s good to understand some of the rules of interacting with peers (not all those rules are negative). We have not found a satisfying answer to the question, “How do homeschoolers expose their kids to others who have vastly different values, beliefs, and life experiences?” That’s what we want to get out of “socialization.” I would love to know what homeschoolers think of this question – maybe we’re totally off-base with our thought process.

  • Claire

    I’m not currently homeschooling, although it is my backup plan. But I would think that homeschooled kids would have exposure to kids from other backgrounds through extra curricular activities such as karate, music lessons, etc. Maybe even through their own neighborhood (that’s certainly the case in my neighborhood). My family and many of my friends have very different beliefs and experiences than my husband and I do, so my son is already exposed to a lot of diversity. He doesn’t need school to provide that for him.

  • Ophelia

    You rock! Excellent post. Reminded me of this, “Here’s To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world – are the ones who DO !” – See more at: http://herestothecrazyones.com/#sthash.M0hDxG8J.dpuf

  • Fr.Duffy Fighting 69th

    And that is a valid response to the current inquiry? “Our home schooled kids don’t become mass murderers so whatever other aberrant personality and behavioral traits they have are acceptable.” I can tell you from personal experience that in my children’s catholic school, when the harried home schooling mom’s give-up and send their kids to the school they are almost without exception, ill-mannered, mal-adjusted, disrespectful and years behind academically. I am sure there are parents who pull off homeschooling, but the dirty little secret in the catholic community is that it is mainly a failed experiment.

  • http://lifeyourway.net/ Mandi @ Life Your Way

    I guess my question to you would be if you plan to keep your kids locked up in your home 24/7 if you decide to homeschool? I’m guessing the answer is no, and THAT is how kids learn to interact and socialize — by interacting with real people in the real world. You can join a homeschool group, a community sports team, take an art class, shop at the grocery store, volunteer at a retirement community or go to the park, and your kids will be exposed to more, not less, diversity as they learn to interact with people not just from different backgrounds but from a variety of age groups as well!

  • Claire

    Do you have any statistics to back that up? Homeschooling is not an experiment, and just because your school has families who had unsuccessful homeschool experiences doesn’t mean that there aren’t many homeschooling families who continue on that route and do so successfully.

  • Fr.Duffy Fighting 69th

    Statistics? Do you have any? I am telling from 12 years experience of having children in catholic school that the home schooled kids that get dumped back into the system are extremely problematic. I reckon 80% of moms who try it are not qualified academically, emotionally or spiritually. Be honest. Take an inventory of the home school moms you know. And don’t just defend home schooling in a knee-jerk way.

  • Mom_ofthree

    She said homeschoolers aren’t spree killers, which can affect areas outside of schools…her point was quite logical, your comparison is more of a nuts are not oranges statement wich is not stupid but shouldn’t require a discussion, unlike the real concern from parents and society about the socialization of children.

← Older Comments