Weird Eats

Have you ever wondered who the first person was to eat a certain food…and why?  Like chicken eggs.  Think about where they come from.  Who thought that would be a good thing to taste?  What about fish eggs?  How does one even find fish eggs to begin with?  Oh, look, something gelatinous and sticky.  Let me put it in my mouth.

I know the answer.  It was a toddler.  Just follow one around.  June bugs look pretty fascinating – crunchy on the outside with a soft center.

Crayons are another favorite.  My youngest is five and he still ends up with green and purple teeth whenever he colors.

Little ones are scientists when it comes to discovering the world around them and one of the best ways to experience something is to taste it.  My twins waited with great anticipation for their first little brother to arrive.  Five months after his birth one of them asked if we could take him back to the hospital.

“Why?” I asked, thinking that perhaps it was a case of sibling rivalry.  “Don’t you like your little brother?”

“He slobbers on everything!”

It’s true.  Everything from the waist down belongs to those who crawl and toddle.  Once an item is slimed up, who really wants to reclaim it?

“Hey, that’s my ball!  Oh, yuck!  Here.  You can have it.”

The only other way I can imagine that man discovered certain foods was when he watched what the dog ate.  If the dog didn’t die, it was a good sign.

If you have a toddler and a dog, then you’ve witnessed them in action, both of them on all fours sampling various odd objects around the house and sharing each other’s treats.

With the first child, you’re horrified when the dog licks his Popsicle.  You throw that one out and get a new one.  When it happens to the second child, you cut off the tainted portion.  You quickly rinse it for the third child, but when it comes to the fourth child…well, the dog drinks clean water, right?  There can’t be that many germs on his tongue.

They might sample the dog food, repeatedly, no matter how many times you try to discourage them, but make a mess of one Hamburger Helper meal and blurt out that it looks like dog food and they won’t touch it.

“Girls, what’s wrong?  Don’t you like your pasta?”

They burst into tears.  “We don’t want to eat dog food!”

Now, they get it.

Might as well set up a video camera in your kitchen and go live and call it Weird Eats.  Have bowls of bugs, burnt matches and boogers on hand.  Just don’t make a real dinner.  You’ll turn people’s stomachs.

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