The Web: Now it Will Really Have Something for Everyone

There is a wonderful site on the world wide web that is visited daily by approximately half the population on Earth called The Drudge Report. This is the brainchild of Matthew Drudge, a self-styled gatherer of news and information. There is nothing remarkable about the site, just headlines in plain black type followed by seemingly endless lists of commentators who have nothing better to do than to be listed on Mr. Drudge’s commentator list.

But I think that Mr. Drudge has hit upon a great concept that lends itself to bald-faced copycats. So, free of charge, I am going to let loose a volley of ideas for similar internet web sites.

The Grudge Report. This site will be dedicated to all those souls who bear a grudge of any shape and variety. This idea is listed first as it has the potential of becoming the whopper behemoth site of all time. Who doesn’t harbor a grudge? The entertainment value alone will keep surfers coming back for more and more.

The Begrudge Report. This site will feature all the backtalk from those who have felt that they have been needlessly grudged against in The Grudge Report.

The Fudge Report. This site will be a clearinghouse for all the misleading documents produced by politicians and pollsters. It will be a haven for all serious minded analysts and statisticians who complain about the misuse of statistics.

The Smudge Report. This web site will feature mind blowing graphics of the consequences of small children, chocolate, and freshly painted walls.

The Trudge Report. Dedicated to all those people out there who, for reasons completely foreign to me, like to jog through their neighborhood using the same route over and over and over again.

The Budge Report. This site is for two types of human life forms. First, for those who see it as their divine right to budge in front of you in the cinema line, on the highway, and at the water cooler. Second, for people suffering from the tragic handicap of simultaneously being unable to spell and being fond of budgies.

The Sludge Report. For environmentalists who complain about all of the toxic wastes spoiling our planet, but never actually manage to get anything done about it.

The Crudge Report. For people who like to make up silly new words.

The Judge Report. For self-styled experts in fields that they know nothing about, but like to spout off anyway with their opinions.

The Nudge Report. This site will be extremely popular as it is devoted to the legions of Monty Python fans that have memorized, in its entirety, the “wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean” skit.

I am certain that the popularity of all of these web sites will require vast fields of new fiber optic cable broadband switching networks. Which is just as well, since all those unemployed telecommunication workers out there can be rehired and stop wasting time coming up with ideas for new websites.

Nick Burn is a freelance writer, husband, father of three, engineer, teacher, and webmaster for the Canadian Catholic Information Network. In his spare time (hah!), he enjoys camping, skiing and reading.

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