You know the one. It arrives the day after Thanksgiving. The envelope is double foil lined, the picture of the kids resembles a Gap ad, and the Holiday Letter comes with a warning: “Caution! May cause blurred vision, severe feelings of gross inadequacies and nausea. Do not drive motor vehicle or operate heavy machinery while reading this letter. See your doctor if symptoms worsen or you have the sudden urge to go on a Chocolate Binge.”
Dear 892 privileged recipients of this letter:
Whew! Another superb year in the Rinehart Household!
My annual January Spa Getaway was divine! I was so exhausted after all those inaugural balls and private White House dinners I stayed clear through February!
I finally have clearance to disclose Michelle was able to join me for a week in February. She needed those in room massages and champagne Jacuzzis almost as much as I did! And I must say, those Secret Service agents seem to get younger and younger every year!
Buffy skipped her class spring break trip to Italy to stay home and operate a fund raiser for her upcoming mission trip. As soon as school was out, she stuffed her Louis Vuitton luggage with 500 pairs of flip flops for those adorable shoeless children of Ghana.
Junior, for the 2nd year in a row, surprised us all and flew home for Easter. This time, thanks to his Granddaddy’s foresight to purchase Wall Street and Wachovia corporate jets, he was able to bring home all his Peace Corps workers PLUS fourteen families from their little African village. What a thrill to introduce those sweet families to American traditions like spiral cut ham, greenbean casserole and running water.
In May we celebrated Johnny’s 10th birthday. For the 4th year in a row, bless him; he insisted in lieu of gifts, party guests bring canned goods and blankets for the homeless shelter.
June saw the end of another successful year for Buffy and Johnny at We’re Smarter Than You Academy for Over Achievers. Can’t believe our baby girl is a senior in high school!
Our summer? Pure bliss! The Hamptons estate is such a wonderful escape from the rigors of suburban estate life. Chi Chi held his annual putting clinic for Johnny while Jack tried to beat his own record on the course he designed for us just a short year ago.
Since we skipped Kennebunkport the last two years, we were determined to make it for our annual Labor Day BBQ and Scrabble Tourney. George HW is a funster behind the wheel of his boat, let me tell you! Babs is still sharp as a tack and thankfully, Laura is not bitter over my new friendship with Michelle.
Instead of Trick or Treating, Johnny (again!) led his Boy Scout troop in collecting food and toiletries for the battered women’s shelter, while Buffy’s youth group, after arranging for costume donations, escorted little homeless goblins and princesses to a Halloween festival at our church.
Buffy’s stayed busy writing college application essays. She’s being heavily recruited by Harvard, Mt. Holyoke, Princeton, Yale and Wellesley. I have no idea where she’ll end up going but already have Vera designing custom dorm room ensembles for each campus.
And here we are…December again! Scottipoo and I are humbled our children’s lists for Santa are, as always, selfless and brief: For world peace and Daddy to rescue Wall Street and the health care system.
God bless us Everyone, Kiki, Scottiepoo, Junior, Buffy and Johnny.