Soap Stylings

“After a talk with Zach, Julia decided not to shoot him.”

And there’s a reason why the Soap Opera Updates are printed in the paper under, "Entertainment".

This past week on All My Dysfunctional, Illegitimate Children: “Zach told Julia he would help her after learning she ran out on the Witness Protection Program.”

Boy, Zach better know a good plastic surgeon, attorney and be stinking rich.

Meanwhile, As My Stomach Turned, “Paul learned from Nurse Bentley that Jennifer’s baby and Gwen’s baby were born at the same time and that the attending nurse left town after receiving a lot of money (from Craig). Paul didn’t tell Jennifer he suspects Craig switched the babies (he did) because he thinks she is better off without Craig in her life. When Jennifer heard the baby cry, she believed the baby was hers (it is).”

First of all, who makes up these character names? I mean really, “Nurse Bentley”? Are Nurse Mercedes and Doctor Dodge hiding in the linen closet? And what about those sophisticated electronic bracelets for new mommies and babies? Where do you think that head nurse ran off to and if it’s someplace warm and tropical, can I join her? And does Craig have any money for me?

Somewhere in the town that houses a Hospital named “General” (As opposed to "Specific"?), “Jason was locked in a wine cellar.” And Jason was unhappy about this? Silly Jason.

The Bold Ridge "refused to break bread with his Beautiful Brooke’s "sisters in his own home". After years of marriage, he finally got tired of his wife giggling when her sisters mocked his stupid name.

It was a dizzying Day in Our Lives when “Phillip failed to make Mimi see Belle didn’t cause Mimi to loose Phillip, who had heard Belle talking about Mimi.”

Obviously without the help of their Guiding Light, “Someone attacked Mallet as he and Harley were about to open the crypt (supposedly) containing Phillip’s body.” Okay, were they supposedly about to open the crypt or did the crypt supposedly contain Phillip’s body? I’m so confused! And again—“Mallet” and “Harley”?? Hammers and motorcycles?

The Young got extra Restless when "Victor returned and announced he was taking back control of Newman Enterprises AND the ranch! Neil broke the news to the Abbotts that Tucker McCall Unlimited was now controlling Chancellor Industries and Jabot." What’s the big deal? Sounds like another typical day in D.C. This is supposed to be a soap opera, not reality TV, right?

Stay tuned….

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