Parking, Driving, Venting

“Please DO NOT park in a handicap space without a handicap placard!”

Yeah, I just love finding notes stuck under my windshield wiper—especially after an extra long, extra stressful doctor’s appointment. I mean, at least she said please, right? But that’s how my day started, followed by picking up my laptop from repair AGAIN, getting all of my neighbor’s mail AGAIN, feeling majorly perimenopausal and in a venting mood. So:

Dear lady with the cane in Fairview Road parking lot (because I caught your dirty look and know it was you):

I do not, never have, nor will I ever knowingly park in a handicap space. That’s just wrong. Do I perhaps have other parking lot issues? Why, yes, now that you ask. Like, after three years with my “new” sedan, I still can’t figure out how to pull forward just the right amount to not double park over the front line or leave my rear bumper out in the flow of traffic. That however, can be remedied on the spot. But I do not park in a handicap space.

Actually, I practice “Harry Rinehart” parking. Lovingly named after my father-in-law (God rest his soul.) who parked his prized Cadillacs in the farthest conceivable spot in order to avoid dings. Even when he was ill enough to be issued a Handicap tag, he stuffed it in his glove box and continued to park as far away as his breathing, on any given day, would allow.

In addition to non-handicap people parking in handicap spots, it also is, to me, totally wrong, irritating and dangerous to be one of those folks who stops in the middle of an aisle, blocking traffic, to get a close up spot, when 42 perfectly good spots are right around the corner or further up in the aisle. And we wonder why obesity is rampant in America? Been in a mall parking lot lately?

Then there are those folks who think it’s funsies to drive ten miles under the posted speed limit. In the left lane. During rush hour. On the highway. When you’re late for work. And you really have to pee. The way that gets worse is when the slowpokes are driving a high-powered sports car. I mean, what a waste of a BMW!

And you, that older couple next to me in the parking lot this morning? Yes you, in the cool Audi. Seriously? 4 full minutes to pull out of the parking space? Leaving me trapped in my car (in the non-handicap spot). Honestly folks—get a Buick if you’re gonna drive like that! Or a 1978 Ford LTD station wagon with the wood paneling on the sides. But a brand new Audi? That’s just wrong…as is parking in a handicap space when you don’t have certification to do so.

Which I didn’t do.

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  • Eric Villanueva

    Amen to your vent about turtle slow drivers in ultra-fast sports cars! I do think that folks can drive as slow as they want…as long as they do their best to stay off to the far right.

    PS. You didn’t mention those that cut others off and then slam on their brakes. That probably bothers me the most, especially when there’s no one behind me and they could have waited half a second.

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