I’m a thinker. Not “Hey, let me do your thinking for you because I’m just SO good at it” but “Hey, maybe if I just think super hard about all the facets of this situation and imagine all the possible outcomes, I can will it into working out the way I want it to.” Why yes, I do have control issues. Thanks for asking!
So here I am, 38.3 weeks pregnant with baby number five, and I am doing my most very best, as usual, to outfox God. If you’ve never tried it, don’t. It’s really exhausting. And it NEVER works. But for some reason I can’t help myself. Something about those control issues or whatever, probably….
Trying To Outfox God (or TTOG. Patent pending.) starts innocently enough. First I tell myself that I’m just going to read the signs that He’s already so kindly given me. In this case, I’ll just look at all the days that my other kids were born in relation to their due dates, and I’ll be able to discern the arrival date of this one. No outfoxin’ here! I’m just a good listener!
Unfortunately, the answer I come up with is often, well…always, unsatisfactory to me. And that’s when I start treading on ice that’s just a little thinner. “Well, other moms report a whole range of delivery dates for their many babies in relation to their due dates. Obviously previous experience can’t tell me anything. Let’s see how else I can discern the exact date of this important event over which I have no actual control….”
Danger Will Robinson! Danger!
Clearly it’s time to start thinking about what day of the week would
be most convenient make most sense, and if my current symptoms correspond to any other symptoms and how many days prior to the big event anyone else may or may not have experienced said symptoms, and what events should or will or can someday, hypothetically, in the future, make x birthday a good one or a bad one. And my brain starts hurting, but instead of letting it go so the pain goes away I say “If you would just TELL me what’s going to happen, God, I wouldn’t have to do all this. Totally not my fault at all!”
And then we get to the point I’m at now: the I-guess-I-have-to-be-so-miserable-that-labor-is-more-pleasant-than-staying-pregnant phase. And here’s where the TTOG comes in. “I better start feeling and acting SUPER miserable so that labor can start. Yeah, that’s what I need to do!”
What reasonable person thinks such a thing? No reasonable person, that’s who. Because that’s seriously messed up and ridiculous, right? I’m feeling the need to consider purposely acting miserable and/or awful so that God will know, really know, that I’m actually ready to have this baby? Completely ridiculous. Totally insane. Oh my gosh…I’m such an idiot.
You guys, I’m not joking. I actually thought all of that stuff just this morning. Because I’ve never felt this good at this stage of my pregnancy and it’s sending me into a PANIC. Instead of just being thankful (what a groundbreaking concept!), I’m worried that it means she’s not actually going to be born until the middle of July. THE MIDDLE OF JULY. And I just cannot have that, oh no I cannot. So I gotta fool ‘im. Gotta outfox God.
Yep, ’cause that’s what reasonable people do. Works like a charm.
Dwija Borobia lives with her husband and their four (soon-to-be-five!) kids in rural southwest Michigan in a fixer-upper they bought sight-unseen off the internet. Between homeschooling and corralling chickens, she pretends her time on the internet doesn’t count because she uses the computer standing up. You can read more on her blog house unseen. life unscripted.