Outfoxing God

I’m a thinker.  Not “Hey, let me do your thinking for you because I’m just SO good at it” but “Hey, maybe if I just think super hard about all the facets of this situation and imagine all the possible outcomes, I can will it into working out the way I want it to.”  Why yes, I do have control issues.  Thanks for asking!

So here I am, 38.3 weeks pregnant with baby number five, and I am doing my most very best, as usual, to outfox God.  If you’ve never tried it, don’t.  It’s really exhausting.  And it NEVER works.  But for some reason I can’t help myself.  Something about those control issues or whatever, probably….

Trying To Outfox God (or TTOG.  Patent pending.) starts innocently enough.  First I tell myself that I’m just going to read the signs that He’s already so kindly given me.  In this case, I’ll just look at all the days that my other kids were born in relation to their due dates, and I’ll be able to discern the arrival date of this one.  No outfoxin’ here!  I’m just a good listener!

Unfortunately, the answer I come up with is often, well…always, unsatisfactory to me.  And that’s when I start treading on ice that’s just a little thinner.  ”Well, other moms report a whole range of delivery dates for their many babies in relation to their due dates.  Obviously previous experience can’t tell me anything.  Let’s see how else I can discern the exact date of this important event over which I have no  actual control….”

Danger Will Robinson!  Danger!

Clearly it’s time to start thinking about what day of the week would be most convenient make most sense, and if my current symptoms correspond to any other symptoms and how many days prior to the big event anyone else may or may not have experienced said symptoms, and what events should or will or can someday, hypothetically, in the future, make x birthday a good one or a bad one.  And my brain starts hurting, but instead of letting it go so the pain goes away I say “If you would just TELL me what’s going to happen, God, I wouldn’t have to do all this.  Totally not my fault at all!”

And then we get to the point I’m at now: the I-guess-I-have-to-be-so-miserable-that-labor-is-more-pleasant-than-staying-pregnant phase.  And here’s where the TTOG comes in.  ”I better start feeling and acting SUPER miserable so that labor can start.  Yeah, that’s what I need to do!”

What reasonable person thinks such a thing?  No reasonable person, that’s who.  Because that’s seriously messed up and ridiculous, right?  I’m feeling the need to consider purposely acting miserable and/or awful so that God will know, really know, that I’m actually ready to have this baby?  Completely ridiculous.  Totally insane.  Oh my gosh…I’m such an idiot.

You guys, I’m not joking.  I actually thought all of that stuff just this morning.  Because I’ve never felt this good at this stage of my pregnancy and it’s sending me into a PANIC.  Instead of just being thankful (what a groundbreaking concept!), I’m worried that it means she’s not actually going to be born until the middle of July.  THE MIDDLE OF JULY.  And I just cannot have that, oh no I cannot. So I gotta fool ‘im.  Gotta outfox God.

Yep, ’cause that’s what reasonable people do.  Works like a charm.

Doesn’t it?

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Dwija Borobia lives with her husband and their four (soon-to-be-five!) kids in rural southwest Michigan in a fixer-upper they bought sight-unseen off the internet. Between homeschooling and corralling chickens, she pretends her time on the internet doesn’t count because she uses the computer standing up. You can read more on her blog house unseen. life unscripted.

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Dwija Borobia lives with her husband and their five kids in rural southwest Michigan in a fixer-upper they bought sight-unseen off the internet. Between homeschooling and corralling chickens, she pretends her time on the internet doesn’t count because she uses the computer standing up. You can read more on her blog house unseen. life unscripted.

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  • Your Sis-In-Law

    Dwija you are a nutcase.  I love you.

  • olivia demkowicz

    Is part of outfoxing God writing this post? Huh? Secretly? Tell the truuuuth…

  • http://againstthegrain.typepad.com/ Amyrobynne

    My personal outfoxing approach is to assume every pregnant woman spends 1 super-miserable week, then goes into labor. It sounds like you might be there :)

  • http://twitter.com/HouseUnseen Dwija Borobia

    I’m trying to hold myself accountable for my craziness!  
    “It’s okay to not be miserable.  Increasing misery will not decrease length of pregnancy” = my new mantra

  • http://twitter.com/HouseUnseen Dwija Borobia

    Ah, but what if I’m not miserable *enough*????  See?  And then I go all nutso again…. ;)

  • http://twitter.com/HouseUnseen Dwija Borobia

    Tommy thinks so too, but luckily also loves me.  Works out great! :)

  • Pargontwin

    I always love reading your stuff.  You have a wonderful tongue-in-cheek style that I just can’t resist!  ;D

  • Micaela

    Just passed this along to my SIL who is due on June 27, but had baby #1 at 37w. Praying for you both to have happy, beautiful labors… SOON!

    BTW, I totally get it. My #4 I was sure would come 2 weeks early (like #3). But even with all the outfoxing I tried… He came in his own time. I won’t even tell you how late he was. The good news is that he was healthy and big and my labor was picture perfect.

    Like I said, prayers!

  • Clement_W

    Ladies, we guys do the same thing – just don’t admit it because it would not look manly. I have tried and failed to outfox God at least every waking hour and failed every single time. One would think that I would learn, but NOOOO! God has outfoxed me each and every time and I have even caught Him smiling!

  • S.

    Those of us that aren’t now nor have ever been pregnant do this too.  Really dumb.  Trying to stop.

  • http://twitter.com/HouseUnseen Dwija Borobia

    Thank you for sparing me the gory details of lateness and instead focusing on the glorious birth itself.  I hereby award you 6 work of mercy points!

  • annette paulsen

    Oh…I remember those days of being so miserable that laboring was preferred.  My first was 36 weeks and my second was 41 weeks.  I’m here to tell you, that extra FIVE weeks is brutal!   I remember going to bed praying that I would go into labor and then finding myself waking up and thinking, “oh expletive, I’m still pregnant.”   The good news is that eventually babies get here. 

  • http://www.clan-donaldson.com/ Cari

    Oh man, the whole post term pregnancy thing is still too fresh in my mind to sugar coat things.  It sucks.  You’re in the sucky place.  Can I say “sucky place” on Catholic Exchange?  Dunno.  Anyway.  All the sympathy in the world and absolutely no “turn that frown upside down”-ness from me, sister.

  • Elizabeth

    Oh man, I am doing this right now. #1 came exactly on time. #2 also came on time, despite pre-term labor issues and everyone involved in the medical profession assuring me he would come at least 2 weeks early. Nope. He came at 40 weeks on the dot but it felt like I was 2 weeks late (I know, poor me). Now with #3, we may be moving when I’m 38.5 weeks pregnant I am all ‘God, my babies come ON TIME, right? Always? That’s how it works? Can we make a deal?’.

  • chaco

    Your anti- “turn that frown upside down”-ness reminds me of a recent discussion on the difference between Optimism & Hope. One conclusion was; “Hope is different in that it is more like a “Living Presence” that helps  us to work through our Life events.” your using; ”All the sympathy…”  rather than  “turn that frown…” gets much closer to this “Living Presence” than mere optimism.   Dwija, just knowing that you are including the assurance of a benevolent God as you sort out  feelings, gives me an experience of a “Living Presence” as I call attention to(pray for) your situation. Thanks for enhancing my faith with yours.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Megan-Karcher-Jeffery/700537010 Megan Karcher Jeffery

    Oh my, I have done this every time, but always assuming I will go late, as they have kinda, mostly come late. 1 on the due date, 1 a week late, 1 5 days early, 1 4 days late, 1 13 days late, next one 12 days late, 1 5 days late, and the last one a week late. So, I just assume lateness.
    My one thing that I have decided must work is that if any Jeffery relative has a birthday PAST my due date, that is when my baby will be born. Twice I have told a Jeffery relative, ” Nope, no way am I waiting THAT LONG to have this baby!” Both times the baby has been born on that person’s birthday. So, my outfoxing methods need work!
    Aside from that, though, I am big believer in the baby coming when they are ready – which is why I have had several very late babies. I don’t let them induce unless they can give me a super good reason.
    I am sure Baby Borobia is just waiting for the perfect time, like a Wednesday morning when you have 15 places to be!

  • Guest

    I HAD to laugh at this – so like me!!!!!  I’m a little sad for me, though because I lost my baby who would have been born exactly the same time as yours. I am happy for you, though, and I can really relate to your misery, having been there before!  Please pray that God will bless us w/ another living child.

  • http://twitter.com/HouseUnseen Dwija Borobia

    Yep, this morning I most definitely said ”oh expletive, I’m still pregnant.”  And I’ll most likely say the same thing tomorrow!  But I’m totally done trying to superstition the date or ‘make’ it happen.  Done, I tell you! :)

  • Sheila

    Here’s my trick.  Make plans.  Run out of food in the fridge.  Tell Facebook, “I feel fine, I’m cool with being pregnant another week or two!”  As you hit enter … your water will break.

    The timing really was ideal in other ways … but dang it, there was no food in the house!

  • Eric

    Prem method (ovulation day -7 +9) was within half a day on 3 out of 4 of my wife’s deliveries despite medical professionals selecting days 3-21 days earlier for all pregnancies. The Naegle rule calculated from conception day hit on the other delivery.

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