In Search of a Safe Harbor



Marriage is supposed to be the safe harbor for raising children. But when no-fault divorce laws were introduced, the safe harbor was lost because marriage became disposable.

A marriage can now be ended by a unilateral act that disregards the other person.

At the time of its enactment, no-fault divorce was promoted as a “mutual consent” process. According to newspaper coverage at the time, both parties together would be able to approach the courts to terminate their marriage contract without saying why. It would be “mutual” and, hence, done with greater “dignity.”

The goal was to eliminate public testimony about wrongdoing, therefore offering couples a greater zone of privacy, which is the same concept used in legal arguments for abortion.

Merely filing a request to exit the marriage would be sufficient to meet this new law’s requirement. No need to state a reason other than “the marriage is irretrievably broken.” The divorce request would be in the form of a “petition,” which is actually code for “lawsuit,” because in spite of the subterfuge, one spouse would still be suing the other.

Policymakers indulged in rhetoric about how the divorce rate would actually decrease with this change in the law. They suggested that the prospect of reconciliation would be more appealing to couples if accusations were no longer part of the process. Reconciliation services were supposed to be offered by the courts, but these plans were quickly scuttled due to budgetary concerns.

The “good intentions” ushered in with this law-change quickly gave way to the stark reality of divorce-for-the-asking, with no services provided and with judges in the role of marriage exterminators. The judge’s role was to keep the conveyor belt rolling, rubber-stamping the decrees as lawyers served up the families.

The proof that it’s a rubber-stamp process can be verified by simply asking any county clerk: “How many petitions are granted and how many are judicially denied?” (zero).

All cases meet the same fate — “Divorce granted” — and it doesn’t matter whether there’s any viability in the marriage because no one checks for vital signs.

In fact, the conveyor belt had to speed up, in order to accommodate the new cases flowing into the system. The courts turned into divorce mills, churning out cases, with no time or inclination to reflect on how things might work differently.

One of the saddest parts of the story is that marriages — most of which had been blessed in a church — were abandoned to the civil authorities by these very institutions. Pastors or priests were nowhere in sight when the judge lifted the gavel.

The Link Between Abortion and No-Fault Divorce

Roe v. Wade and No-Fault Divorce were contemporaneous events. And, they both held out similar deceptive promises to cover up the truth.

No-fault divorce devalues the one-flesh union in the same way that abortion devalues life. Marriage is disposable, and so is the flesh created from that union. One person can end a marriage and one person can end a pregnancy. Divorce and abortion are both unilateral acts — each one is a rejection of the-one-that-has-no-say.

No-fault divorce and abortion influence each other. No-fault divorce makes the safe harbor much more tenuous, introducing fear into the relationship. Women understand this tenuousness. They know that the “burden” of new life comes with greater risks than it used to.

When news of pregnancy is received in fear, not joy, the future is harder to face. Knowing there’s security in the legal union of marriage is vitally important to reducing fear.

No-fault divorce has cheapened marriage and roiled the safe harbor. It’s no longer as safe to say, “yes.”

Abortion and unprotected marriage work hand in hand. We will be able to reduce the one by protecting the other.

(Judy Parejko is a legal researcher and the author of  Stolen Vows: The Illusion of No-Fault Divorce and the Rise of the American Divorce Industry.)

Comments

  • http://4marks.com DonHudzinski

    A note you are talking to the chior here on this one…

    These comments were post by a friend of Catholic Exchange, I Quote:

    Divorce, Oh, What have You Done

    Can any see how the sundering of Matrimony – the Sacrament, and of two-become-one united together in and by vows, and joined-together by God – in divorce per-staged all this before any could really see the horrors which have resulted? E.g., i.e., wasn’t depreciating and belittling the terrible results of divorce on children just a bit of ‘aborting’ the children, after all, by smothering their agonized cries and shocked voices?

    Think of it – the one, sole Sacrament behind love of two in this Sacrament of Matrimony ,
    love of family , love of baby and baby-making/raising , having elderly grandparents to lovingly care-take rather than shelve or ‘put-to-sleep’ – indeed, at the heart of civilization -
    is trivialized as regularly as rain, for centuries now in legalized (and most especially in ‘no-fault’, which would be better termed ‘both-fault’) divorce.

    Simply . . . if we can ‘terminate’ and ‘abort’ Mommums and Daddums at their life-giving Sacrament, why not Baby-ums at or before he breathes in life?
    If the Sacrament of Matrimony can be ended, why not contra-conceiving and/or aborting and/or infanticiding the fruits of what-would-be, in God-and-life-ordered morality, of the Sacrament of Matrimony?

    He said, I could use them at any time, I always thank him for this.

  • steve p

    Judy,

    You need to send this excellent piece to the op-ed editors of the major secular newspapers. Notihng to loose and much exposure to gain if one or more use it.

    steve p

  • http://catholichawk.com PrairieHawk

    I am a 39-year-old child of divorce, having lived through two “no-fault” divorces before I turned 18. I’m fortunate to have had recourse to the Sacraments, to good doctors, and to a rich prayer life, but not everyone has these resources. Divorce harms children immeasurably. I am only now working on the emotional maturity and stability that would allow me to have a family of my own, and I’m rapidly coasting toward middle age. Abortion, contraception, and divorce should be outlawed. It’s as simple as that. The harm to our children is simply too overwhelming to contemplate anything but the most drastic of remedies. Will it ever happen? I’m not looking for it, but that’s my prescription, from one who has been there.

  • mrteachersir

    While I read this, I could not help think of my sister in law. While it is highly doubtful that a covanented marriage actually existed between she and her husband, I was greatful to find that she need go through a protracted, nasty screaming battle, for her sake and for the sake of her son (who will now have a loving father-figure in his life: me). Once the divorce is final, she will begin the annulment procedings under the guidance of a holy and orthodox priest.

    Despite these benefits, would the two have gotten married if, infact, divorce were not so easy to obtain? Would he have worked as hard as she did to make the marriage work? Something tells that if we as a culture viewed marriage as a Sacrament, divorce would still be scandal.

  • mrteachersir

    I meant “needn’t go through…”

    My bad.

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