Exercises for Postpartum People

Hey, y’all!  Welcome to the second installment of Super Useful Exercises Created by Dweej.  I mean, I know how much you loved my extremely awesome Exercises for Pregnant People, so I felt obligated, out of my limitless generosity of course, to provide you with this extra helpful follow-up regimen.  This is the regimen I’ve been following diligently for the last 7 weeks and have managed to…like, fit into my 1st trimester maternity clothes.  So.  Yeah.

Anyway.  Enough about me.  Let’s talk about you doing what I say!

1.Infant Swivel

This is a great one if you like combo exercises- bicep and abs in one!  Hold screaming baby in your left arm, keeping right arm free for goldfish cracker distribution and dog-letting-inning and outing.  Rotate body to the left and then to the right repeatedly for a minimum of 45 minutes.  Keep those abs tight while you do it!  Insert ear plugs if you must.

2. Baby Carrier Bounce

So the baby still won’t stop fussing and your left bicep is now on fire.  Aha!  Baby carrier/wrap/sling/papoose-ifier!  Attach baby to your torso and get to bouncin’.  Not just walking, because we all know that’s not nearly entertaining enough.  No, no…gotta do the bouncewalk.  Can you feel the glute burn?  Mmmhmmmm.

3. Uber-vertical weighted squats

Now baby’s in the carrier and you’re bouncewalking and you step on another insert-expletive-here matchbox car.  And you’ve had it.  You have had ENOUGH of all the junk on your floor!  But baby’s head is still so floppy and you can’t (horror of horrors) remove her from your chest, so you have no choice but to squat down and pick up that car.  And that princess crown.  And that dadgum hoof that the dog won’t keep leaving right in the frappin’ doorwaywhattheheck?!?  Oh, now we’re getting somewhere folks.  We’re gettin’ somewhere!

4. Modified Plank

This next one is sort of a Pilates move, excellent for balance and core strength.  Walk your now sleeping baby, who is still strapped safely into her carrier, to your bed.  Defy the laws of physics by managing to lie down on your side without disturbing the sleeping child.  Holding the rest of your body perfectly still (you can do it!  grit those teeth!), unstrap/untie/unbuckle the small one with your one free hand and ever so gently slide the carrier out from under said infant.

5. Lather.  Rinse. Repeat.

Baby immediately begins squealing.

Choke back tears of exhaustion.

Proceed with round two of “Infant Swivel”.

 

She smiles.  You thank God for the reminder that it’s all worth it. 

I’m linking this post up with the Catholic Exchange Virtual 5k, which I am currently thinking about pretending to train for.  You should do it too!

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Dwija Borobia lives with her husband and their five kids in rural southwest Michigan in a fixer-upper they bought sight-unseen off the internet. Between homeschooling and corralling chickens, she pretends her time on the internet doesn’t count because she uses the computer standing up. You can read more on her blog house unseen. life unscripted.

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Dwija Borobia lives with her husband and their five kids in rural southwest Michigan in a fixer-upper they bought sight-unseen off the internet. Between homeschooling and corralling chickens, she pretends her time on the internet doesn’t count because she uses the computer standing up. You can read more on her blog house unseen. life unscripted.

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  • http://twitter.com/CariDonaldson Cari Donaldson

    The “Sling-to-bed” move is the woooooorst.  The few times I’ve successfully done it, I really wished for a ticker tape parade in my honor or something.

  • jentos23

    Hahahaha…oh my word Dweej, you crack me up. Good luck “pretending to train” for the virtual 5K ;)

  • Amanda

    LOL!!  I’ve done a few of these myself!

  • Sheila

    I’m doing the bouncewalk right now!  My baby will only accept it if my thumb is in his mouth, but I still have one hand free for typing!

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