Catholic League polls:
1. Should Orthodox Jews be allowed to eat ham sandwiches?
2. Should Muslim women be allowed to wear mini skirts?
Catholic League president Bill Donohue explained why he is launching these polls today:
“On the ABC website for Good Morning America, a poll is being taken that asks, ‘Should Catholic Priests Be Allowed to Marry?’ This is a great idea — Catholics very much want to hear from non-Catholics what they think about the Catholic Church’s internal strictures. In fact, the idea is so good that it ought to be extended to Jews and Muslims. So in the spirit of inclusion, the Catholic League is asking two questions: (a) Should Orthodox Jews Be Allowed to Eat Ham Sandwiches? and (b) Should Muslim Women Be Allowed to Wear Mini Skirts?
“The ABC poll on Catholics offers three possible responses:
Yes. It is unfair to prevent them from experiencing one of life’s joys: companionship.
No. The vows are founded in religious doctrine and tradition and should not be changed.
I’m not sure.
“Accordingly, I would like to amend the affirmative option regarding Orthodox Jews to read:
Yes. It is unfair to prevent them from experiencing one of life’s joys: pork.
“Regarding Muslim women, the affirmative response is:
Yes. It is unfair to prevent them from experiencing one of life’s joys: being a sex tease.
“Send your responses to James Bogdanoff, supervising producer at Good Morning America,. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org, and tell him to be more inclusive next time.”