Our son is teething, which is the adult equivalent of having your skeleton slowly pulled to the outside of your body over a period of months. Needless to say, I’m glad I have no recollection of this happening to me. Perhaps this is why most of our first memories only go back to say, our 4th or 5th year of life.

So teething makes for some lo-o-ong nights for all of us, especially Mommy, who continues to amaze me with her lightning fast tenderness and penchant for turning anything into a soothing melody. We dole out lots of whispered songs and stories, walks down the hall and back again, and heartfelt assurances that “Mommy’s here” and “Daddy’s here.” What else can we say?

We could try something like: “Listen little one, you’re getting your teeth. You’re going to love them! They will help you chew up your food. You’ll be able to eat lots of new things with your teeth, things you couldn’t eat before. Your teeth will help you talk to Mommy and Daddy and ask them all sorts of things because your teeth will work with your tongue to form words. And your teeth will bring a whole new gift to the world; your smile! It will be a way to let others know you are happy to see them or that something gives you joy. Teeth are a great gift! Trust me… it’s going to be OK…. Daddy’s here with you!”

And he would respond with something like: “AAAAAAAGHAHGHHGRR?#@!?OW-W!”

I think we Big People can learn a little something about suffering from all of this pain our little ones go through. After all, I’m discovering that God the Father has written countless lessons for me right in the flesh and blood book of my family life.

“Everything speaks to me.”

Don’t we cry too in our moments of “spiritual” teething? We cry our, “God, why did such and such have to happen? Why didn’t You stop this or that from happening? Why is there evil in the world? Why do the innocent suffer? And what is this painful longing and this aching thirst in me that I can never seem to quench in this world?”

The Father could try saying something like: “Listen little ones, you’re getting your heart. You’re going to love it! It will help you chew up the food of your experiences. You’ll be able to taste lots of new things with your heart, things you couldn’t swallow before. Your heart will help you talk to Daddy and Mommy and ask them all sorts of things because your heart will work with your mind to form words. And your heart will bring a whole new gift to the world; your spirit! It will be a way to let others know you are happy to see them or that something gives you joy. The heart is a great gift! Trust me… it’s going to be OK…. Daddy’s here with you!”

How do we respond to a Word like that?

While these things are true, after seeing Pixar’s latest offering today I will add the following caveat. “Take him to go see UP.”

As an adoptive parent, I was deeply moved by the irascible Carl’s character – grieving over the loss of his beloved Ellie, he strives to carry out her wishes as best he can, in her memory. What he doesn’t count on is a little stowaway named Russell – a boy with a deep need for a father figure, someone who can show him how to be a man. What touched me so deeply about this movie was Carl’s emerging need to father, to protect and guide the boy as only another man can.

Why Carl and Ellie had no children of their own is not fully explained. Together they dreamed of babies, and even decorated the nursery. And yet, for many reproductively challenged couples, the “why” is never fully explained – and even when it is, is seldom satisfying.

Faced with the devastating loss of his wife, and the prospect of losing even the home that contains his memories, Carl shuts the world out . . . Until young Russell comes knocking, then stows away on the floating home. As the adventure progresses Carl recognizes in the boy a kindred spirit. And in their quest – an adventure marked with great personal self-sacrifice, which is the essence of true fatherhood – the pair formed an extraordinary bond.

Why do I find this movie such a compelling argument for fostering and adoption? Carl does not formally adopt Russell, whose father’s absence is never fully explained. However, in reaching out to the boy, a most remarkable transformation occurs in the man. This movie reminded me that, just as God has placed in every woman the need to mother (which each of us expresses a bit differently), so he places in every man the desire to father. Not simply to provide, as the drive to father can never be fully satisfied in acquiring things. It must be lived out in relationship with other people, and in a particular way with the next generation – whether or not they share a biological connection with those they mentor.

In my blog for adoptive, foster, and special-needs parents, the Extraordinary Moms Network, I frequently write about the natural need God places in women to nurture and protect human life, whether or not they become biological parents. “Extraordinary Moms” are (like Eucharistic ministers) women who come alongside biological mothers – sometimes for a short time, other times for a lifetime – for the sake of the child, to help her raise him to responsible adulthood. In this movie, I saw a poignant image of Extraordinary Fatherhood – a bond very different from a mother’s, but no less important.

Of course you can’t just take something from a 17-month-old without causing a waterfall of crocodile tears, so I fished around my purse and came up with an empty, plastic Easter egg to trade. Feigning the sound of awe, I held the egg out to him. Persuaded in a nanosecond, he chucked the $20 bill onto the floor and grabbed the plastic egg with both hands. Reassembling my purse, I chuckled at his behavior and at how differently his teenage sister would have responded to the same presentation of objects, especially after a very long day’s work.

I offer this anecdote, along with my most heartfelt congratulations, to all graduates who will soon be taking a giant step toward independence by leaving the nest. What an exciting time in life! As you go forward, please, know that you are in my prayers. Be assured that wherever you are headed, God is already there. Be confident that God loves you beyond anything you can imagine. Know that he has new friends for you, a fulfilling life, and most of all, a work for him that only you can accomplish.

The truth is that God is counting on you to bring his love to wherever you are going, so as you leave your family, don’t make the mistake my toddler did and chuck your incalculably valuable Catholic faith in favor of the countless “plastic eggs” that will be held out to you with feigned awe. These plastic eggs may take the form of negative things like drugs, drunkenness, or immoral sexual activity, but I know you’ve encountered these counterfeits already and haven’t been fooled. These plastic eggs may take the form of positive things like scholarships, increased knowledge, money, and positions of power. These substitutes for God may be harder to recognize, but don’t be duped by anything or anyone that tries to unseat your faith. Remember, all that glitters is not gold.

There is another insight to be had from my toddler’s behavior versus my teenager’s. The toddler and I were bored stiff, doing anything we could to amuse ourselves, while my teenager was thoroughly engaged in productive work. My toddler, of course, can’t be faulted for being at the mercy of other’s schedules or being unaware of the comparative value of things, but you are not like him. Don’t dilly-dally around waiting for someone or something to amuse you. Get straight to work finding an excellent Catholic parish and developing solid Catholic friends. Roll up your sleeves and participate in the corporal and spiritual works of mercy.

God has given us such an exciting and beautiful world. Glory in it! Instead of chucking your loving Father in heaven and all the goodness he has in store for you, shock the socks off your new friends or co-workers and hold fast to your faith with two hands. Shock the socks off your parents and teachers by pursuing the faith they taught you with more zeal than ever. Be a witness to the fact that independent living only equals rebellious, ungodly behavior for those who are not confident in themselves and God’s love for them, and that is not you. I promise, if you do these things, God will shock your own socks off with an energizing sense of purpose in life that you’ve never known before.

God’s love is not like a plastic egg; cheap, hollow, and disposable. God’s love is the golden egg of life; precious, solid, and everlasting. If, perhaps, you don’t believe me, then my toddler has a great trade for you.

All I can do is offer observations from experience gained in more than 20 years of parenting a large family. From my own experience, in my own house, my overriding parenting principle is to stay close to your children and to stay close to God. It’s simple advice, but not easy advice.

In the excellent book, Hold On to Your Kids, the authors write:

“No matter what problem or issue we face in parenting, our relationship with our children should be the highest priority. Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior. We cannot assume that children will know what our priorities are: we live our priorities.

“Many a child for whom the parents feel unconditional love receives the message that this love is very conditional indeed … unconditional acceptance is the most difficult to convey exactly when it is most needed: when our children have disappointed us, violated our values or made themselves odious to us. Precisely at such times, we must indicate, in word or gesture, that the child is more important than what he does.”

There are two aspects to staying attached to children that I want to unpack from that quote. And then, I’ll look at staying close to God.

The first aspect of attachment is that we absolutely have to be honest with the way we spend our time. If our families are our first priority, then we need to devote more time and attention to them than anything else (except Our Lord — but I think we serve God when we serve our families). That means that every time we are presented with a choice about how to spend time — and there are countless times every single day — we choose according to priority. It’s not a stretch to say that most parents don’t do this. They choose work. They choose adult social relationships. They choose hobbies.

“But I need to work to support them!” goes up the cry. “But I need friends, too!” “But I need to pursue a creative outlet or a sport of my own.” Of course you do. So do I. It’s disordered, however, to ignore our children in order to support them. It’s ridiculous to spend more time developing and nurturing relationships with our neighbors, while our precious child gets the leftovers of our social attention. It’s silly to devote time to creative or athletic endeavors to the neglect of the children we co-created with God. It is up to each of us to discern if we truly manage our time according to our professed priorities.

The second aspect of attachment addressed in the quote is the idea that we love our children even when we don’t love what they do. This seems so simple and every parent I know would affirm that they do, indeed, love their children unconditionally. But many a child would tell you that they don’t know that.

I was in a fast food restaurant the other day. I spoke with six of my children at the table before leaving them to go order our food. I made my expectations for behavior clear. This was one of those times when all the stars lined up and every single one of them was good as gold. Sometimes, it happens. Actually, often it happens, and it has very little to do with the stars and everything to do with how hard we work as a family at behaving well so that we can all enjoy each other. The man in the booth next to them was not enjoying his children. And he told them so. He pointed to mine and asked his why they couldn’t be more like mine. Then, he looked at me and said, “You’re really lucky. You have good kids.”

I caught the eyes of his children and I wanted to cry. His implication was that he did not have good kids. I am certain that this man loved his kids, but if I had been his child at that moment, I would have asked myself if my dad valued me at all or if he valued some stranger’s children more than me.

One thing is certain: I wouldn’t be inclined to go out of my way to be particularly well-behaved for him. If he acted that way often enough, I’d just give up, resign myself to never “winning” his love and move on to other relationships. The best case scenario would find me flourishing in a relationship of well-expressed unconditional love away from my father. The worst case scenario would find me in a string of hurtful relationships. Chances are good I’d not be inclined to behave well.

The point is that everything we say and every behavior we manifest toward our children has an effect on them for good or ill. They feel and absorb our every action. We need to act with them in mind, every single time. Parenting with empathy is good parenting. Period.

We need to stay close to our children and we need to stay close to God. Attachment parenting requires sacrifice. God is the expert at sacrifice. There is no mentor better than Christ on the cross. We are good parents when we embrace our vocations with our whole beings; when we see that there is no greater privilege than to be someone’s parents; when we love wholeheartedly, unabashedly and with the self-donation of the Savior Himself.

My husband convinced me to at least get out and stretch my legs, however, and as we trudged through the storm to the edge of the Canyon, an unbelievable event unfolded before our eyes.  Layer by layer the snow and fog parted, and sets of cliffs were unveiled one by one by the retreating curtains of gray.  Each time a new ridge was revealed, it didn’t seem like the scene could get any grander.  Then, with flare as dramatic as any night at the Oscars, the setting sun broke through the clouds and a series of exceedingly brilliant rainbows appeared in the bottom of the Canyon.  It was a drama of National Geographic proportions, and we were left speechless.  Looking back it seems plausible that it was the presence of ice crystals in the air that created the extra vibrant rainbows we witnessed, meaning that, without the bad weather our experience wouldn’t have been nearly as spectacular.

In 2 Corinthians 5:7 St. Paul tells believers in Christ that “We walk by faith, not by sight.”  Whether or not we can see him, feel him, or experience him, faith tells us that God is with us.  Faith says that God is as real as the Grand Canyon hiding behind a bank of snow and fog.  Faith tells us that whatever circumstance or mindset is holding us back from believing in the reality of God’s presence, we need to break free and walk toward God, expecting and believing that in his time God will part the clouds of doubt and disillusionment and reveal a spectacular view of his majesty.

Walking with such faith and trust is not always easy.  I don’t know about you, but as it was at the Grand Canyon, my impulse is not only to stay in the car, but also to drive away from God as quickly as possible when a fog of doubt or disillusionment looms around me.  Of course further on in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 St. Paul gives us another story to help us know how to live in times of uncertainty, pain, or disappointment.  “There was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Whenever we drive through a fog bank on a bridge, hike through clouds in the mountains, or arrive at the ocean only to find it shrouded in misty gray, someone in the family will say, “Wow! Would you look at that?  It’s the Grand Canyon!”  Of course we all laugh, knowing someone just had to say it, but more importantly, fog and clouds now remind us that we walk by faith and not by sight, that God’s grace is sufficient for me, and that God’s power is made perfect in my weakness.

He criticizes the Church’s teachings on abortion, gay marriage, papal infallibility, birth control, male-only priesthood, celibate clergy, and other issues.  He criticizes Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI for upholding the Catholic Church’s teachings.  He brings up the old issue of Pope Benedict’s service in the German army during World War II.  He is critical of him of being involved in silencing and suppressing controversial theologians while Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith under Pope John Paul II.  He also criticizes Pope Pius XII’s supposed “silence” of not speaking out more against the Nazis during World War II.

This book is meant to be an autobiography of sorts that includes his criticisms of the Catholic Church over the years of his life.  He rightly criticizes those bishops and others who covered up the clergy sexual abuse scandals.  Carroll says he is a practicing Catholic and is criticizing the Church from within.

Write a vow to your family.

“Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16).

God’s timing is perfect, my husband and I used these words in our wedding vows many years ago. Today is Easter Sunday. We decided to complete the dare today (we waited a few days to do so), because we thought it would be a wonderful way to celebrate the new life the dare has given our family. What better day to do that then the day Christ gave us new life in Him.

I am planning to make a collage of our promises and hang them where we can see them everyday. I’d like to share some of them:

*I promise to help anyone in my family when they need it.

* My promise is to work on my problems to change into a better person.

* I’ll be there when you need me and not refuse you.

* I promise to have a more positive attitude and to love all of you daily.

* I promise to love you and help you carry your crosses.

* I promise to love and care about our family always.

This is not all we wrote, but you get the general idea. It’s been an interesting journey, but we look forward to the future with renewed hope and increased love for one another.

Dearest Lord, Thank you for bringing the dare into our lives at this point. We have come so far and we have so much further to go. Please remain with us on this journey and don’t let it stop today. We love you more than we did forty days ago and not as much as we will forty days from now. Thank You, Lord. Thank you.

Write a letter of commitment to your family members.

“Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8).

Today’s dare was perfectly timed. My husband received some very bad news — life altering news — and took it hard. He was inconsolable and then he became angry, sad and despondent. Every time I tried to encourage or support him, he responded in anger. I tried to be loving and he was harsh with me. Today’s dare seemed to take superhuman strength for me, and so, filled with (indeed) supernatural grace, I proceeded to write my darling husband a letter.

I prayed about my feelings and what I wanted to say before I wrote anything down. I went to Confession and talked to my priest about the hurt I was feeling and my anger in the situation. And I wrote….

I promised to always be my husband’s partner. I reminded him of how much I loved him and promised to always love him. I offered to be his Simon and to help him carry this cross.

I wish I could say he magically felt better, but all he could muster was a sad smile and a, “Thanks, that means a lot.” This is going to take some time, but we have been through awful things before. With God’s help, we will weather this storm too.

Lord, thank you for giving me the grace to further commit myself to this family, even when my own instinct is to withdraw. Help us all to support each other through the ups and downs of family life, and remind us constantly that love is a decision…one we get to make everyday.

Today we will ask ourselves what our family members’ deepest heart desires are and try to find a way to fill it.

“Delight yourself in the Lord: and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

This dare is a difficult one for the children. It requires so much thought and a mental maturity that I am not sure all the kids possess yet. I am struggling with this one myself. Not the figuring out part. I know my family well enough to know what they hold dear, what their thoughts and dreams are, and what they would change if they could. It is the fulfilling part that’s hard; the knowledge of my own limitations and lack of ability to make the things they want or need come to fruition, frustrates me. Oddly, fulfilling this dare for each one of my family, would be my heart’s desire.

Our oldest daughter was able to complete this dare for her daddy. Holy Thursday Mass is always difficult for him. It reminds him of a dear priest friend, who passed away. Every year, the priest would ask 12 male parishioners to join him at the Last Supper table/altar and he washed their feet. He always included my husband in that group. My husband misses his friend at this time of year. Our daughter had the opportunity to attend Holy Thursday Mass with her boyfriend at another church. I know she welcomed the opportunity to see him, but she turned him down. She wanted to be with us to support her dad at Mass. That was his heart’s desire of that moment: to be surrounded by the love and support of his family.

Dear Lord, help us always to put the needs and desires of our family members first. Making them happy should always be a priority.

Make a commitment to daily prayer.

“If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father” )Matt. 18:19).

This dare could be stated simply; “The family that prays together stays together.” When my husband and I first started dating, we made a commitment to pray together daily. Most of the time, we have done a good job with this, but we have gotten complacent at times too. While we always attend Mass, say our Rosary with our kids on a regular basis and remember our mealtime prayers, we sometimes forget to invest the time in prayer as a couple.

When he started working nights, saying nighttime prayers together fell by the wayside. Now that he works days again, we haven’t fully returned to saying our night prayers together. Today we will commit to return to this time to pray.

We also fall short in remembering to pray with our children when they are going through difficulties. Don’t get me wrong; we pray for them all the time, but we do have to step up our efforts to pray with them. We must remember that where two or more are gathered, Christ is in their midst.

Lord, even a strong Christian family can get complacent in their prayer life. We have fallen into some bad habits in our prayer life, please help us to correct them and call on You (as a family) more often.