Bus Stop Mommies Vehicle

Ford already got it right when they made moveable gas and brake pedals.  No more hugging the steering wheel to my chest in order to comfortably reach the pedals on my no heel-flip flop days. In 2010, we’ll have the option of programming the car so our kids (or mother in law toting around the kids) can’t go over 80mph, crank the acid rock or cruise by their boyfriend’s house at 1 a.m. (eh, don’t hold me accountable for that last one…)

Now we just need a few more women to design vehicles-sedans, SUV’s and minivans.  You know, those places we Bus Stop Mommies eat two of our three daily meals, put on our makeup, quiz kids for tomorrow’s spelling test and with lack of intention or trying, create a habitat for hosting millions of alien life forms like petrified french friends and shrunken apple heads.

Yes, if women designed our own cars, we’d include a split or contoured headrest with room for our ponytails and chignons. And seatbelts that don’t wrinkle our clothes.

We’d invent a clear soundproof barrier between the rows of seats with a wireless, touchless intercom system would allow us to hear and speak to our children only when we want to. Our exterior windows would have an optional Activate Soundproofing Now! feature when stopped alongside some bass thumping doofball at a traffic light.

The Mommy Designed Car would also include: An Ejector button; lumbar massage; 13 built-in sunglasses holders-and (big enough for my Jackie-O’s, not my reading glasses); built -in automatically dispensing air fresheners-kinda like the ones they have in nice department store bathrooms but they won’t make the auto smell like a bathroom air freshener; vanity mirrors/lighting that mask blotchy skin, adult acne and wrinkles; self-cleaning upholstery, carpet and windows, inside and out; a self-filling gas tank; built in tasers set to fire automatically at first sign of condescending male mechanic; 360-degree swiveling front seats for child viewing and maintained w/o risk of stiff necks and side-splitting muscle pulls.

We’d design a clever compact cargo area kitchen so dinner can be ready when we get home from football/choir/track/tennis/you-name-it practice. Our GPS will be preprogrammed to hairdresser, best friend’s house, babysitter, husband’s office, spa, and gymnasium of all future wrestling/volleyball/gymnastics meets, vet and wine mega store.

The Bus Stop Mommies vehicle would naturally carry a Lifetime warranty on every square inch inside and out. Oh, and all these features would be part of the basic amenity package.

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  • Parrish

    Sounds like a Bond car or Go-Go Gadget. Flights of fancy are always entertaining-I remember when I was nine or so I spent a very dedicated five months and endless sheets of engineering paper trying to make my parents’ minivan fly. I wish I still had some of the crayon schematics I drew up. What’s in the deluxe package? A car that drives itself to school?

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