There are a number of reasons for this but the main reason is that I have no desire to become an all-consuming walking dead person.  This means that I want to be a person who is fully alive and totally in control of my desires.  I understand that this places me at odds with zombies and if any of you who are reading this are zombies, consider this my declaration of war.  Not on you, for you have been infected, but on the one who makes you a zombie.

There are a few people in the world who go “against the stream” as some people like to say it.  I know there is a worship song that has people “going against the stream” but I always like to follow that song with “let the river flow” whenever I lead worship.  The look of confusion on people’s faces is priceless.

Anyhow, if you want to be a saint, then I think we have to break out of our zombiness.  I know that there technically is only one cure for being a zombie, which is decapitation, but I think a spiritual decapitation and a replacement with a real, thinking, breathing, praying head will cure the zombie as well.  I just can’t help but think that we were made for something more than just consuming the world around us.

Don’t get me wrong.  I have my fair share of “stuff” and it is probably a lot more than my fair share, but I don’t think that I “need” it like a zombie needs brains.  The way that some commercials and ads go nowadays, it seems that all you have to do is trigger the zombie switch and people will start drooling like a Russian canine and come running.  Aren’t we better than that?

It requires some anti-zombie thinking and there are some parameters I think will work if we want to do that.

Stop Thinking Like Everyone Else

I know that it is easy to get into the daily grind so you can get that mortgage and get that 2.5 kids and the dog and picket fence so that you can get that pension so that you can retire and live off Social Security and spend some free time hanging out with the guys at the local pub until your waist hits 48 and your wife is doing soup kitchens on the side and then you buy the condo in Florida and die happy.

Or some variation of that.

I don’t recall that being on any saint’s biography: “Lived life just like everyone else.”

Usually the saint’s life goes something like this: Lived a life of virtue and loved everyone around them and somehow there were miracles around their life as God provided for them during tough times and they worked really hard to engage the world around them so that others could come to know the joy that they experienced in knowing Jesus Christ.

I didn’t see “pension” in there.

Do you work in ministry?  Start thinking differently.

Do you work in the 9 – 5? Start thinking differently.

Do you work from home? Start thinking differently.

I don’t know what that means for you specifically, but I know that it means that any obstacle you come across is not the end of the world.  I know that there are a multitude of ways to doing something and you  have ideas as to how to do them that no one else can come up with.  You may not think that you do, but God gave you certain gifts for a reason.

Maybe you are the Religious Education Director that decides to write a new course or you decide to ditch the classroom model for something that will be more effective.

You might be wrong.

But if you are right then you just proved you aren’t a zombie.

Maybe you are the accountant who decides to take time out of your day to read the Bible during lunch and some other coworkers join you and you start a Bible study that goes to Mass once a week for lunch instead of crashing the local pizza joint.

Your boss might be mad at you for bucking the trend.

If you continue to work hard and make a better work environment for yourself and others, you just proved you aren’t a zombie.

Maybe you are the college student who decides that instead of going to the latest kegger that is going to end up in embarrassing Facebook photos and the latest STD getting spread around campus that you are going to go to Mass, host a Bible study, or just decide to sit in Adoration at the local parish.

Your friends might freak out for a day.

If you take some people with you and they decide to live for Christ as well, you might have proved that you aren’t a zombie.

Sometimes Bucking Fads is Smart

I’ve noticed with a lot of zombies today that any current trend is the best thing going.

Homosexual Marriage.

Contraception.

Abortion Rights.

I watched a press conference for the new Archbishop of New York, Archbishop Dolan and he proved he wasn’t a zombie by laughing when those three issues were brought up early in the interview.  I mean, laughing with real joy.

He simply explained to the reporter that he didn’t have the “right” to change the Church teaching on those three issues because the Church doesn’t make up its position on those issues.  The Church can’t “get with the times” because the Church is “timeless.”  If the Church is the mouthpiece for God and God has no time because God doesn’t change, then it seems right on to me.

Zombies follow every latest trend so that they can consume at an insane rate and be the latest up and coming talking head on the pulpit.  Hey look!  I agree with everyone!  Aren’t I great?

No.

Sometimes it takes real guts to stand up to the rising tide of humanity and say with real joy, “You know, I love ya, but you’re wrong.  You may try to eat my brain for saying this, but you are completely wrong.”

That is really hard to do.  To stand up like that against a whole society and a whole civilization that is screaming for you to be quiet and keep your “God” to yourself.

It’s the type of thing that makes a person a martyr.

Martyrs are the type of people that change the world.

People who change the world are saints.

Saints aren’t zombies.

That moment when we allow ourselves to rest comfortably in what we know or strike out into the unknown.

John Paul II was fond of saying “be not afraid.”

So was the Bible.

Why is it so difficult to live that phrase? What are we missing in our lives that leaves us paralyzed whenever fear enters the picture? Usually it is some type of trust. I don’t know that the great martyrs did not experience fear when they were facing certain death and torture. I don’t know that their heart didn’t race, the adrenaline didn’t pump, and there wasn’t some part of their mind that was screaming out for them to just toss it all in.

Unlike me, they didn’t allow the fear to control how they were going to react. The more that I interact with bureaucracies (even the ones within the Church), the more I understand that most of the time we are functioning out of fear, even if it is subconscious.

We hedge our bets on ministry events because we don’t want to commit to really big numbers in case people don’t show up.

We don’t challenge the people we minister to because we are afraid that they are going to run away and we are going to have to report to our bosses that we don’t have the numbers we thought we did.

The truth?

The less you rock the boat, the more successful you are probably going to be. Sure there are those “Mark Cuban” types who can buck the system, but that isn’t the norm. Most of us are dead afraid to say what is truly on our minds, to take the type of risks that we know we believe in because if it doesn’t work out we could lose what little footing we have.

Unfortunately here is the news: you have no footing.

The instant you allow your fear to rule your decisions, you lost your authority to have any type of footing. Simply because fear is not of God.

Ask yourself this:

1.  When was the last time you did the right thing despite your fear and regretted it? Really truly regretted it in the long run?

2.  How much of your fear has been based on the fact that you are used to the mediocre, mundane, unchallenging way of life and you simply are not prepared for the awesomely extraordinary God to wreck your life?

3.  Name one instance where you have gone through suffering, pain, anguish, enduring the consequences of a mistake without coming through it a better, wiser, and probably holier person.

4.  If it cannot strip you of heaven, what is the worst that could happen?

Today is the day you look fear in the face and pray the prayer of St. Michael. Today is the day you allow Christ to give you the Grace to be awesomely holy. To be extraordinary in what you do. Today is the day you give everything you are to those around you in love because you will never have another chance at these moments that go by.

Stop being afraid of breaking out of the mediocre.

Let your life be wrecked.

Let God topple your fears.

Be not afraid.

Do you have a note to yourself?

Every time I start to lose perspective, I use Twitter and send this little note out to myself.

Note to self: pray more, love wife and family more, love people and use things, don’t eat crap, the law of the gift, work don’t waste

For me it is enough of a kick in the tail to keep me on track for what I am doing at that moment. The order of the parts of the note are deliberately set for me to keep my perspective in focus and to keep me from going crazy looking at the big picture. There have been some real benefits to this, and I wanted to share them.

As with all things, if this works for you, then great, if not, then chuck it.

Pray more. I often forget this more than I remember it. It is the first thing that I should be remembering most of the time. Especially this time of year when things get crazy with purchasing and decorating and all the pressure that comes with providing your family with the memories that they are “supposed” to have.

Pray more. It’s a simple notion that drives me to my knees in reverence. Most times when I get impatient or angry it is because I have lost perspective. This helps me to get that perspective back again.

Love the wife and family more. I think this is a curse, but my brain never shuts off. Ever. This means that I work at a furious pace a lot of the time. I actually have to work to relax. I don’t know what that means or if you can relate, but if you have ever had the experience of creatively brainstorming, then you know what it is like in my head.

The only problem is that I am creatively brainstorming all the time. I’m addicted to the idea of thinking outside the box, of doing things different, of perhaps taking something that is working in one place an applying it somewhere else. The issue is that when my daughter wants me to simply have the fourth tea party of the morning, it actually causes me anxiety to sit and just “be” with her.

This is where love comes in. To make the deliberate choice for the good of the other person which means to put aside my own selfish needs, wants, and desires… especially that desire to work. This reminds me that persons are the priority. That my time with them is more important than the time I spend working to get things for them.

Love people and use things. I’m a technophile so I am addicted to new technology. So the computer, the game system… I sometimes love them. This statement reminds me that I have to put the priority on people. As nice as the website, email, voicemail, and texting are, I am most rewarded when I can sit with people and actually work with them. Actually pray with them. Listen, process, pray, and then see the lightbulb go off in their heads when they start to re-prioritize their lives and realize that holiness is something that God wants for them right now.

The crazy thing (and this is why I am crazy) is that too many times I choose to spend time with things rather than people, even though I am fed in my soul by working with people. This note reminds me to be less crazy. I said less crazy. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will always be a little crazy.

Don’t eat crap. This is such an easy formula it is a wonder that I forget it. You are what you eat. That means when I consume the Eucharist, I receive the very life of Christ. This means when I eat that double Whopper with cheese covered in fried nacho cheese with a Diet Coke, at the end of the day I am going to be grumpy, bloated, impatient, greasy, and intolerable.

I don’t want to be crap. I should stop eating crap. I have a definite weakness for overeating so this is a big deal for me. Maybe not so much for you.

The law of the gift. Essentially this means that we only find ourselves when we are willing to give ourselves away. This means to be a servant. To be a footwasher. To take even those that society considers lepers, the underdogs, and to embrace them, give them a fighting chance. It is to be completely unselfish.

A friend of mine is great at this because he looks everybody in the eyes and learns their names. This essentially is a gift of dignity. We can learn a lot from these simple acts and if I remind myself that I am meant to be a gift to the people around me, I better make sure I’m not the type of gift they want to send back!

Work, don’t waste. We all have a life and we all have a limited amount of time. When you are given the time to work, it’s time to work. Waste is waste is waste. I actually have this theory that we don’t need to work much more than 8-10 hours a week. That’s because we only work that much anyway, we just happen to be around for 40 hours to make it look like we are working.

I know in your head right now you are thinking, “He doesn’t know my job… I work x number of hours every week!”

Take away every moment that is not dedicated to work that directly relates to what you are doing. I’ll bet you, like me, spend a lot of time doing things that don’t directly contribute. This goes for the home life too. Relationships, families, take work. Don’t waste the time that you have with them.

So go ahead… make a note to yourself. Post it for the world to see on something like Twitter or Facebook. Post it every time you see yourself not living up to the goal of awesome holiness that you have set for yourself. Post it every time you feel lazy, or you feel like you are not living life.

Even if that note is to make a note.

I got the box home and stored a healthy amount in the kitchen and under the sink in the bathroom. The next time there was a leak I would be ready. As I was unpacking the box, proud of my contribution to house and home, I noticed a small piece of white paper that fell out. It read simply, “Do not place in the dryer.”

What?

Why would I need to be so gentle to my ShamWOW products? It’s not as if they could break or anything like that. Then I noticed the tag: 100% Rayon.

Rayon?

I bought a sheet of rayon from Germany? I don’t think an American has felt this ripped off since we built the United Nations. I still thought there must be something to these things and that all I had to do was wait until my next big spill so that I could use these little beauties.

Sure enough, a few days later, we had a spill at the house. It wasn’t just any spill. I was brining chicken breasts to prepare on the grill and the brining juice poured out of the bag and all over the floor. I screamed in anguish. Then I rejoiced. I had a ShamWOW! I would be saying WOW in no time!

What a joke.

I wiped at the floor and counters with my new towel and found that everything was still soaking wet. The little sheets didn’t even pick up that much liquid. In the end, I ended up grabbing a bath towel and wiping down my kitchen with good old fashioned American cotton.

I felt so betrayed by the ShamWOW. Here I was an innocent bystander and I had been taken in. I thought they wanted to help and it turned out they were just out to make a quick buck and supply me with something I could have picked up at the fabric store for about 50 cents.

I was so angry.

Then I remembered all the times that I had made big promises to people. “Don’t worry! I’ll take care of it!” “No, really, I just want to help out!”

How many times had those situations ended with me just apologizing for not doing the job I was supposed to do as I moved on to the next thing that I thought was important? Certainly not what a saint is supposed to be doing at all.

I think I may have turned a corner in my life, and this may have to do with Easter, but I really truly want to help other people. Not that I didn’t before, but helping people was part of a few things that I did. Now I think that there is a great amount of joy that can be found in cleaning up the mess of others, of making something right, of making someone better than they are, of encouraging them to move beyond the ordinary, the every day.

In the end, isn’t that what we are supposed to do any way? We can’t make big promises and advertise all these great things that we are going to do if we are not going to deliver. What if we promised to do just one thing today? What if we promised to help other people in a way that we might not have in the past? What if we were more concerned about the success of the people around us than our own success? What if we only did things for the benefit of others rather than for ourselves?

If we can all help each other to become saints, to become better, to live each moment as our final moment on the journey to sainthood, well…

THEN you’d be saying “Wow!” every time.

My career as an actor became a lot easier when I started worrying more about making the others around me better actors than being sure that I got the laugh line or all the attention.  I worked more.  I was a better actor.  It was awesome.

Now think about it in terms of holiness.  When you go to your job, even if you are working in the Church (especially if you are doing Church work) the majority of people are looking to impress the person above them, whoever that is.  Your job is to impress God.  That means other people might steal your ideas.  Other people might take advantage of the fact that you are pursuing holiness.  Do whatever you can to make the people around you better.  Speak the truth.  Stop gossiping.  Be awesomely holy to be around.

Time Wasting

You only have a certain amount of time on this Earth to be awesomely holy.  It would be a shame if you wasted it on silly things.

Stop forwarding emails.  Everyone hates it even if they say they love it.

Stop watching one television show every month and see if you truly miss it.

Check your digital social life only when you absolutely have to.  For some of you that is once a week.  For some of you who make a career online that is once every fifteen minutes.  When you are at work, work; when there is nothing to do, don’t hang out just to impress people.

Pray every chance you can get.

Do something loving for every person you come into contact with.

You have only a limited amount of time to be awesomely holy.

People are More Important than Things

I don’t know how else to say this other than to state the fact that the Communion of Saints is made up of people, so learn to like them now.  That means you have to give more than you take.  That means you have to make people your priority and you have to love them where they are.  Stop trying to change everyone around you and just be holy and love them.  If they ask for your advice, give it; otherwise, lead with your example.

When you do something that hurts someone, ask forgiveness as soon as you apologize and don’t let it go until you hear them say, “I forgive you.”  It may take some time, but you need to do that.  Forgive everyone without waiting for them to ask.

Write thank-you and condolence and congratulation notes, even when no one else will.  Remember the people you come into contact with and wish them a happy birthday.  Be pro-active in your relationships and love people to an awesome level.

Keep a list of people you are praying for and let them know that you have prayed for them.  Encourage (put heart into) every person you have contact with.

Good vs. Evil (Awesomely Holy vs. Mediocre)

Evil eats itself and the mediocre will drag you into their mediocrity.  You will know someone who doesn’t want to be holy as soon as they utter the phrase, “I’m just hoping for Purgatory,” or “I’m probably going to Hell.”  If they knew the devastation of those comments, they would never utter them.

Hang out with other people trying to be awesomely holy.  When you encounter someone trying to be awesomely holy who has just fallen or stumbled, support him or her and offer encouragement.  Stop trying to fit in with people so you can relate to them in the hopes that one day they might pursue awesome holiness.  This means to stop laughing at dirty jokes, listening to gossip, and other things  that people use to tear each other down.

Don’t get sucked into stupid arguments with people who just want to see you fall.  Walk away.  You will never win by yelling, screaming, crying, and debating someone into submission.  You merely come across as a bully.

Try to look into what someone’s true motivation is for asking something of you; it usually is to benefit them.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, but keep in mind that you are trying to be awesomely holy, not ingratiate yourself with people.

Don’t compliment someone just to “be nice.”  Be specific in your compliments to show that they aren’t empty of meaning; make them sincere.

Finally, remember that Jesus doesn’t care about where you have been, only where you are going.  If you are debating whether others are trying to be awesomely holy or not, assume that they are.

I’m trying to do these things.

I’m failing a lot of the time.

I’m succeeding some of the time.

I’d love to know your thoughts about being awesomely holy.

You have heard of the Saints.  You have read about the Saints.  You may have even been told by someone who really cares the awful truth: Only saints are in Heaven.

That scares me because I see a lot of people around me who know a lot more than I do about the Catholic Faith.  I know more people who know more than I do about the Christian Faith.  There are books upon books about it and the truth is, no one is really writing anything original.  We are all rehashing the same basic statement:

Go be a Saint

I once spoke to a Bishop and asked him if I should get a Master’s degree in Theology.  He laughed.  “Not if it keeps you from BEING a master.”  I’ve taken some graduate courses when they were offered to me for free, but I really took that to heart and simply started to read.  And pray.  And write.  And live.

Ever since that conversation I have wanted to BE a master.  Despite the fact that I continue to figure out how NOT to be a saint, I’m still trying.

Here are some things I am trying to remember:

The question is not who isn’t going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me — Ayn Rand.

I suffer from this and I know that there are others who do as well.  We think that being “obedient” means being non-assertive.

Wrong.  Show me a saint who just sat there and let others bully him out of being awesomely holy.

There are many people you are going to meet every single day who will be intimidated by you even uttering the phrase, “I want nothing more in life than to be a saint, and that means I have to do everything in my power to make you a saint as well.”

People don’t like that and they certainly are not going to sit back and let you just try to be a saint.  They are not going to just say no, they are going to actively try to bring you down to their level.  It is much easier to bring someone down to your sin rather than try to bring yourself up to imitate their resolve.  This is why any time you try to work harder than anyone, lose weight, pray more, or improve your life, you will lose friends.

People hate when others are more successful then they are and they will try to stop them.

Hard Work

No saint was awesomely holy without working at it.

That is because being a saint is hard.  Loving other people is hard.  Anything worth doing is so incredibly hard that most people won’t do it.  That is why they are able to make statues of saints.  Because they are hardcore.

Try it.  Go in front of the Blessed Sacrament today and tell Jesus you want to be a saint.  No matter what.

You will have to work harder then you have ever had to work at being a a saint.  At loving people.

Why?

Because you just invited in the biggest personal spiritual trainer to do whatever He needs to do to fix your sorry self.  And that requires a lot of hard work.

Tithe Your Time

This means 10% of everything.  That’s two hours of prayer every day.  That’s 10% of your money to your parish and charities.  That’s 10% of your talents in ministry work.

If you are not willing to give that much of your life back to God, then you need to change your priorities.  Those of us who are involved in ministry can’t sit back and say, “My work is a prayer/tithe/ministry…”

Get out of fantasy world.  You are no better than anyone else.  You have to work at your prayer life and being a saint.  That means that you have to make time for God.  Let’s be honest, if you are not willing to be pro-active in being a saint or you are not willing to work hard at being a saint, this part is just going to turn you off more.

Hey, don’t say no one ever told you what it takes.

Here’s the kicker: I am terrible at this and trying to work it out myself.  It just scares me that I have to make this happen.

Look at every single awesomely holy saint out there.  They didn’t spend time watching the tube, browsing the Internet and generally being bored with life.

They worked at all of it: the prayer, the ministry, the tithe until the point that 10% became what they were not giving to God.  God was getting 90% of who they were.

The next time you start doing something, ask yourself if you are tithing to make yourself awesomely holy.

“Nope. Never have been,” I replied.

“OK, then let’s test it.”

She then proceeded to open a case and stick 32 plastic needles into my skin. These are like iron maidens for Barbie dolls. I thanked Jack Bauer and then calmly explained that I had no idea where the terrorist network was.

“We’ll see,” she calmly responded and left the room.

Not ten seconds later my arm was on fire, itching horribly, and I couldn’t tell if it was because of the fact that I had been stabbed and tortured or because I was actually allergic. When I looked down at my arm, I had the answer.

Hives had broken out in neat little patterns and some had gotten quite huge. My whole forearm was splotchy and I had flashbacks to getting chicken pox in high school. For two weeks I was forced to wear a cow bell and yell, “Unclean!” as I walked through the house. Even the dog was afraid of me.

The doctor reentered the room and proceeded to start setting up the water boarding, when she noticed my arm.

“Wow!” Her eyes were as wide as quarters.

“Is that a medical term because one of my arms looks like Popeye with a rash?”

“No. I just can’t believe your allergies. You have it bad.”

“That’s probably because you stabbed me with poison.”

“No. I’m pretty sure you have really bad allergies to the following:

wheat, oak, ragweed, dust, mold, and cats.”

Now I don’t even know what half that stuff is but I am pretty sure that everyone is allergic to dust and mold. Except dust and mold themselves. I don’t really care for cats so that doesn’t affect my life at all. I’m not about to go around eating ragweed and oak.

But wheat?

Seriously?

My mind started to race to all those bowls of cereal that I had enjoyed my entire life. Biscuits and gravy. Pancakes. Bread and butter. Crescent rolls. Cinnamon rolls. Doughnuts. Pizza wrapped dough. Indian frybread and zeppolis at church fairs. Mounds of flour!

So now I am left to deal with the remains of dietary restrictions, whatever they may be. What I thought was a lactose intolerance to the cheese on my pizza and the milk in my cereal was actually a wheat allergy.

Welcome to Holy Week.

If this Lent wasn’t tough enough on a number of levels for me, forcing me to grow in areas that I did not even know I needed to, this is the "flour" on the icing on the cake. I really thought I would be able to coast through Holy Week, spiritually reaching the peak of the Lenten journey.

I wonder if Christ felt the same way on Palm Sunday, going into Monday. There He was, marching to His death, and people were celebrating Him because He had just raised Lazarus from the dead. Crowds were praising Him, rocks were about to cry out. All the right people were angry and jealous.

And suddenly Jerusalem appears over the horizon and Jesus breaks down in tears.

He sees the coming week.

He sees the agony.

He sees the coming years and the destruction of the great city.

He understands, perhaps in His humanity, that this is just a fleeting moment before the real work of salvation is to begin.

Lent isn’t over because it is Holy Week. With all of our preparations for Easter, being off from school, being with family, preparing liturgies and overdosing on ministry and eggs, let’s not forget the last six weeks. It is merely a preparation for our own journey.

Perhaps this Holy Week we can all reflect on this one question: “Have I grown in my love of God in the last six weeks?”

By that I mean, do we long for Him as we long for water and food? Do we desire God in the same way that we desired that which we have given up? What changes have taken place for us that bring us closer to holiness? What is God shining a light on that we still have to change?

For me, Lent has been an allergy test. Little pins stabbing me to see where I hive up, where I am allergic to the love of God because I have become accustomed to sin in one form or another. God wants to purify me, give me what I need, give me what is good for me, even if I am not aware of the sin I am accustomed to.

Sometimes it takes the prick of 32 needles to remind us that we have come far, but have a long way to go toward perfect surrender.

I think my indulgence was probably a little tame compared to how some others chose to “indulge”.  Certainly St. Patrick isn’t fond of his feast day being turned into a an excuse for succumbing to weaknesses to sex and alcohol, among other things.  I think that too many times if we look for occasions when we can indulge ourselves, we are going to find them.  We won’t just find it on St. Patrick’s Day.  We can find it on St. Joseph’s Day, the Feast of St. Stephen… the list goes on.  Let’s ignore the fact that our society uses Lent as an excuse to party, Easter as an excuse for spring break, and so on.

Look at yourself in the mirror.  It is difficult for me to do sometimes.  Because when I look at myself in the mirror I see the reasons why I do things that I do.  I know that I want to be a better husband.  I know that I want to be a better father.  I know that I want to be a healthier person.  I know that I want to be more productive in my job.  I know that I want to be more financially responsible.  I know that I want to be holy.

Then why do I continue to do things that go against those goals?

Probably for my own justifications for my own sins.  On some level I don’t really believe that those small indiscretions are really taking me away from the goal in the long term.

I can spend time cruising the Internet for the next big article rather than spending time with my wife.

I can spend time watching my favorite TV shows rather than spending time with my daughters.

I can eat sugar and junk food rather than eating real food that God has given us.

I can spend time doing things at work that contribute nothing to my job rather than seeking holiness for my students.

I can spend money on something that is going to be worthless in 24 hours rather than show some discretion and patience.

I can commit this little sin rather than seek holiness in all that I do.

Forget the fact that it is St. Patrick’s Mardi Gras New Year’s Break Parade.  It is quite simply time to stop rationalizing and to accept the fact that each time I chose any of the options above, I am making the point that I do not really want to be the best husband, father, productive, healthy, fiscally responsible, and, in the end, holy.

That sentence is hard to read.  It was difficult to write because it is true.  I have settled for mediocrity in my life in all of those areas and I no longer want to do so.  I no longer want to be simply “better than most” according to my own judgmental attitude toward the world.  I need to recognize that I have farther to go than anyone and I need to be better now.

This can only happen with Grace.  It can only occur by continuing to surrender myself to God and His will rather than trying to force my own will onto the world around me.

Excuses or no excuses, if we are going to look into the mirror and see ourselves the way that Christ sees us, we need to make an honest examination of who we are and where we are going in life.

The person Christ wants you to be is waiting for you.

Last night at eXaLT, a senior in high school spoke. This doesn’t happen often and we are usually pretty selective about the students who are allowed to do so. This particular senior was talking about his experience at World Youth Day in the summer of 2008. He had the opportunity to go to Hawaii and Sydney and essentially had a very formative experience in his faith.

Joe (because that is his name) was talking about how he was overcome with emotion at the various experiences. The people. The concerts. The Pope. The Eucharist. I think that any youth minister or teacher can tell you that there is no experience like seeing a student come into his own. As Joe continued to talk, he became more comfortable. His passion became contagious.

A small part of me was sad because the impact and the emotional weight that Joe brought last night was a part of an entire picture for me. I remember having that emotion. Sometimes I still do. Most of the time, prayer is an act of faith. It is beyond emotion and sometimes despite it.

I think that an emotional response to Christ and His presence is a great privilege. It can also be a great curse if we depend on that emotion for our entire faith walk. If we expect that emotional response every time that we kneel in front of the Blessed Sacrament, we can only be disappointed.

I don’t think God wants us to live off of our emotions. That would be too easy. It certainly is not the case in our lives. Our relationships don’t have that emotional reaction every time that we encounter the person. When we make a decision to love someone, that decision goes beyond our emotions. We can be annoyed with someone and still love them.

Is our relationship with God the same way? Do we give God the same credit or do we simply ask God to give us a thrill every time we encounter Him? What if God removes emotion in the same way that the physical therapist removes the crutch? We can never learn to walk, even by faith, if we are relying on something outside that is going to simply support us, in this case, a faith that is only supported by emotion.

If you make the decision today not to pray because you “don’t feel like it” then you are choosing to ignore your friend because you don’t feel like it. If you make the decision to pray despite the fact that you don’t feel like it, you are choosing to strengthen the relationship beyond the mere thrill of emotions. You are building up emotional muscle. You are building up spiritual muscle. You are building up the ability to resist atrophy of the soul.

There are so many times I have these nagging doubts and I wish that I could say that they go away, but I find they are opportunities for me to practice love for my God, to make the active choice for God despite what I feel, to make that choice every day.

I know that when I do that there is a peace that continues to build. There is a confidence in the relationship that I didn’t have previously. That muscle of faith gets stronger. The foundation continues to build.

Do yourself a favor. Exercise today. If I am thrilled at Joe’s growth as a student, God must be thrilled with my growth when I exercise my faith.

I don’t know about you, but today I am going to try to thrill God.

Then the idea of preparations got the better of me. 

I decided it wasn’t enough to simply buy wings from the local chicken store, which advertised that you could always have chicken tonight with just a phone call.  I wanted to make the wings myself. 

Not just any wings. 

Caribbean hot wings. 

A little bit of sweet with a little bit of spice dipped in some variation on a creamy dip… or not, if they were done right. 

The trick was, according to a network of food, to marinate the wings over night in a spicy and sweet combination that included chili powder, honey, brown sugar, and a habanero pepper. 

I have no idea what a pepper is unless it is clearly labeled at the grocery store, and I knew that the dreaded “habanero” was one spicy pepper.  When the local grocer did not carry that particular pepper, I selected a long, green pepper from a basket that was simply labeled “Spicy Hot Chili Pepper.” 

Keep in mind that I live on Long Island an the average person doesn’t go around making spicy food.  It is usually a variation on something Irish or Italian.  There are two sushi places, but I don’t know that they do their shopping at the regular supermarket. 

Home I go to prepare the best wings that have ever been made in the entire universe.  Sure to cause weeping of joy, or gnashing of teeth.  Simply because I have always wanted to see the acting out of the verb “gnash.” 

In the process of doing so, in de-seeding my “Spicy Hot Chili Pepper” of no real name, some of the juices got on my hands.  In a severe act of idiocy that seems to be the norm for me in these situations, I ran my hands over my face as I was thinking about how great these wings were going to be. 

I didn’t notice the burning immediately, but as it started to build, it became apparent that I had inadvertently pepper-sprayed myself by smearing the juices of the pepper all over my face. 

I turned red. 

It burned like I was soaking my face in acid. 

I had dreams of Harvey Dent. 

My eyes began to water so I rubbed them.  With the juice infected hands that caused my face to burn. 

I ran in circles, bumping into things because I could no longer see. 

I ran outside and threw my face into a snow drift, which had frozen over with ice, and the shards of ice simply caused more pain. 

I ran back inside the house and plunged my face into the toilet, which was unused, but by flushing repeatedly I managed to imitate the “eyewash” from science class that I was always anticipating using in case my zinc explosion went horribly wrong. 

Finally, with a flooded bathroom and a face that had swollen and reddened, I sat on the bathroom floor and looked at my hands. 

Why had they done me wrong? 

Despite the face-searing incident that I encountered in my early prep, the wings turned out quite nice.  Preparing the sweet potato fries was another matter. 

This involved cutting the precious orange vegetable into small shavings using a Cuisinart, or as I like to refer to it, the “Spinning Blades of Death.”  This is due to the fact that you use the sharpest blades that money can buy, and have them spin at a rate that would make a chainsaw cringe. 

While removing the blade, my hand slipped on an errant starch and a nice chunk of my right ring finger began to bleed.  At this moment as I am typing, the “O”, “L”, and “.” keys on the keyboard are causing a good deal of pain and I am sure I will have to clean it when I am finished. 

Once again, the best of intentions leads to unintended results. 

This is why even a good intention cannot be used to justify sin.  So many times when confronted with something that did not turn out the way that I planned, I simply react with the instinctive, “But what I meant was that…” 

Does it really matter what we intend? 

Sure, but it probably means a lot less than we think.  We should probably concentrate more on the actual activity that we are doing so that we don’t end up spiritually, physically, or emotionally burning ourselves, or cutting our fingertips off. 

What is really important? 

Is the intent true? 

Is the action good? 

Is the end result beautiful? 

When these three are all answered yes, then we have less burning, less loss fingers, and more of an ability to sit back and enjoy the blessings of God.  Even if the Cardinals lost.