Comments on: Putting the Vision Back in Supervision

By: Leticia Velasquez

Leticia Velasquez — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:36:56 +0000

When you consider the ravages of extra-marital sexual activity, a radical re-orienting of our lives as parents is urgently called for. Not only are their futures as married adults at stake, but their eternal souls.
Surely we parents of teens can make sacrifices to be able to provide the wholesome inexpensive activities to which Catholic Mom of 9 refers, “bonfires in the back acre, pizza and movies, a welcome to their friends for basketball any time on the driveway”.

Many parents both work to be able to afford what really are luxuries; cell phones, extra TVs, computers, Wii systems, elaborate vacations, boats, etc. If they put their children’s chastity as their first priority, they may have to make changes to their lifestyle and give their teens the gift of presence and supervision. And perhaps Grandma in the back seat of the car when they are on dates!
My 16 year old daughter attended a Communion party Sunday and danced with boys in the presence of her family. She later played co-ed volleyball in the parish youth group; an entire day of wholesome fun which cost next to nothing. She understands the reason she has no cell phone is that her parents care more about her soul than keeping up with the neighbors.

By: Anita Crane

Anita Crane — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:09:52 +0000

Bravo Mary

By: Heidi

Heidi — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 04:12:09 +0000

I’m glad pfmacarthur finally picked up on a core problem, that being that many teens who are having sex at home – or anywhere else – have working parents, with no time to be watching them do good things like after school sports, much less keep them from doing bad things like drugs, having sex, or joining gangs. I’d love to hear some ideas about what can we do to change a predominately two-parent working society which has left no time to supervise any of its children at the level that they all, but especially our hormonal teens obviously need. And by supervision, I’ll agree that what we should be doing is way more than just “life guarding” our children. We should actually be doing this careful, loving thing called shepherding, guiding, loving, disciplining, or mentoring… AKA parenting!

By: Catholic Mom of 9

Catholic Mom of 9 — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:15:28 +0000

While these sad statistics about teen sex are definitely not a laughing matter I had to chuckle over the way a colleague older than myself told me the priests in his school used to handle public displays of affection–by reminding the youth to “make room for the Holy Spirit” between them.

I quickly adopted that idea with my own two oldest sons during their high school years, reminding them before they went out to a dance or on a date as a senior that they were taking out someone’s future wife–either theirs or someone else’s–and to treat her with the respect they’d like to see their future wife treated…..Repetition…with firmness but a smile was and is my style….and always being there at home, checking out where they were going ( calling other parents to confirm), and providing lots of wholesome activities here–bonfires in the back acre, pizza and movies, a welcome to their friends for basketball any time on the driveway, etc. . . doesn’t hurt either!

And I would text that ‘borrowed’ phrase– “make room for the Holy Spirit ” to their cell phones some time during the evening of any dates. It became our own little private thing–and I don’t think they minded too much.:)

Other strategies are early curfews (“nothing good happens after midnight” their dad likes to say), staying up to greet them when they make those early curfews, chats with Dad, keeping them busy through sports, service, jobs and other worthwhile activities and frequent Confession. Whew. It’s a lot of work to supervise, but that’s what we signed up for!

Thanks for the direct reminder, Mary! God bless–

By: pfmacarthur

pfmacarthur — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:34:27 +0000

I read somewhere – I’m not sure where, that the majority of teens have sex in their own homes after school when their parents are at work. With many parents needing to work today, I’m not sure how to change that “window of opportunity.” However, we must work on teaching our children well, instilling moral values, and speaking about sin.

By: Mary Kochan

Mary Kochan — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:22:38 +0000

Yes, Father, and porch swings too!

By: fjindra

fjindra — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:08:22 +0000

Wonderful, Mary. Can we bring back courting?

By: Shane Kapler

Shane Kapler — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:06:47 +0000

I’m reminded of one of the happiest, most in-love couples I know; and I remember the story of their first date that they shared during a youth group event. Growing up in Puerto Rico, the custom four decades ago was for an adult to accompany the youth on their dates – so there the young couple was, sitting next to each other in the front seat, with the girl’s grandmother looking on from the backseat. I believe she accompanied them on all of their dates. And this couple has no regrets. This is a good challenge Mary!

By: Christi Derr

Christi Derr — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:00:08 +0000

great points Mary!! Sometimes the solution to a problem is too simple and practical to be covered by “the experts.”

**also, loved this line, “here is the statistic I want to see. I want to know how many teens are having sex while their parents watch. I’m going to bet that the percentage is pretty low.” How true!

By: patti

patti — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 23:59:28 +0000

Sixteen years ago I was part of a specialized foster care team. We took in difficult teens and had once a week meetings. Handing out condoms was considered part of the job by some foster parents. Two couples were friends with each other and laughed at the meeting over an episode that happened the previous weekend when they were together. The foster teen was was hemming and hawing and then the foster mother realized what he wanted–a condom. “Oh,” she laughed. “Then she proceeded to pull out a pack and asked what color he wanted.” Those 4 adults thought it was so funny.

Fast forward a few months. One of the foster dads was upset to learn that while he was out one night, his foster son had, had sex in his home–the boy’s bedroom. He felt it was disrespectful. So, one minute they are handing out condoms but when reality hits home, they think it’s wrong. In their heart, they knew it was wrong. Yet, everyone was condoning it. So, yes, there probably are plenty of parents that are watching and giving the green light for the to have sex.

At least before the sexual revolution, expecting teens not to have sex was a shared value. Not anymore.