When we married my wife quit her job in a federal(US) institution (which kept track of her bathroom visits – so much for dignity) and I worked while she finished her college degree. After the degree, she worked about a year and then we both felt the need for her to stay home when our first baby arrived. She has put her degree to work in raising healthy children and answering medical questions of many family members (Clinical Laboratory Scientist) and dispelling some of the fad miracle diets and vitamins and the list goes on. I have fumbled along with my jobs and somehow God has always provided. After listening to me complain and grumble about something at work she sometimes mentions she could go to work. I tell her “before you go to work, just take a knife and stab me in the heart”. My thoughts – There is little that I am able to do but don’t take away the little I have to show my love for you and our family.

God bless you, keep spreading the truth.
(Media, Jesus and Family Life…and Paulines!…http://www.hficoncord.com/)

One aspect that is different today is that there is a high divorce rate, women living with the result of abortion, women falling for the lie that they can “have it all” and women feeling taken advantage of when they work all day then come home to the second shift.

Another situation is that our expectations are so much higher today than women of long ago. We expect to be happy and have a good life. People did not necessarily think they had that coming to them. Ironically, in some ways we’ve never had it easier yet it would seem that people complain more than ever.

The reality is that staying at home with children is and has always been a privilege of rich women, not something all women did. My grandmother was born in 1907 in Austro-Hungarian empire and she barely went to school for two years. As soon as she learned how to read and write her parents pulled her out of the school and sent her to work – babysitting, cleaning for the rich families, later working in the fields. When she got married, she had 6 children who survived into the adulthood and she continued cleaning houses and doing laundry for rich families. She worked hard all her life while taking care of her family. The story of my grandmother is in no way unique – it is a story of the majority of women of that place and time. My grandmother was also very smart. If she was given an opportunity to go to school and get some education her life would have been much easier. She realized that and encouraged all of her children (boys as well as girls) to go to school and learn, because she did not want them to live the same life she did.

My impression is that today we tend to idealize the “good old times”, when every women was able to stay home and was taken care of by her husband, who appreciated her. I am sorry, but those times did not exist. It is true that the life is different today and has some unique challenges that did not exist before, such as widespread access to the abortion and contraception, societal pressure to have sex before marriage and today’s society disregard for children. On the other hand, women today do have power to make their own choices – they do not have to contracept, they do not have to have cohabitate before marriage, they do not have to have abortion. Women also have unprecedented access to education and ability to take care of themselves and their families if the need arises (husbands die too…). As a woman, I am grateful that I live in this time and place that give me so many opportunities. But with the ability to make the choices also comes responsibility…

Frank Sommers November 3 at 5:27pm

Hey, Patty

I understand some of the points you are trying to make, but I (as a brother to nine sisters and father of six daughters) respectfully and deeply disagree with the basic premise and tone. Beyond the cultural and legal ramifications of your premise (it is worth noting that there were arguments made that Blacks were better off BEFORE they were freed from slavery), I have issues from a theological perspective as well. To suggest that women were, in some ways, better off before they had freedom and choices is, in many ways, akin to suggesting that Humankind would perhaps be better off (if not happier) if only God had not given us free will.

It seems the real intent of the article may have been to argue against Abortion and other societal ills. I, for one, don’t feel the arguments are strengthened by watering down the very real injustices forced upon women for centuries, nor by dismissing the very real progress made combatting those injustices.

HI Frank,

I think you made some great points. In editing to tighten up the article, perhaps I edited out too much of my acknowledgment that women were unfairly discriminated against. I for one, would not want to give back my education or work experiences. JPII’s encyclical on the dignity of women made some very strong statements condemning past injustices.

However, the point of my article was to consider the study reported on in Time magazine stating that women are less happy today than ever. What is behind that? Women have more rights than ever, yet, their happiness quotient is down.

It’s clear that more power does not always bring freedom. Arguing against abortion as a way to bring women freedom, was indeed one of my points. I do believe that in the end, it does not bring happiness to women or society. But lest anyone think I am proposing that women return to being second class citizens, I am not. Yet, I do think that we’ve gone so far in the other direction that somehow, women did lose freedoms, such as the freedom to stay home and raise their children. I do think that men, in general, once respected and valued their wives as mothers more. Too many men expect their wives to make money and then come home and do most of the childcare and housework. In the end, this reality has taken away freedom and made life harder for women.

Ha! You said it Claire. I’m a stay at home/homeschooling mom, and you know, I am not entirely sure I am liking this ride. I don’t mean the homeschooling part, I mean all the other stuff–the sports and scouts and church and all this other stuff just so the kids can be “socialized”.

And you know, I was thinking about it: when I was a kid, I went to school, then went over to my friends. It was a given. Half the time, I might as well slept there (and they at my house on occasion). It was no big deal to just go over to someone’s house. Everyone did that. During the summer we’d hop our bikes and hit the road (this was say, from age 9 to 16 or so). Bye Mom, see ya later! We’d be out for hours.

Not anymore. Now it is all about the “Playdate.” My kids can’t play with their friends (for the most part) unless there is prior parental approval of schedules and all that. Really sad.

And no, you DON’T need full time preschool. There is nothing wrong with part-time preschool (all 3 of my boys did that) or even no preschool. Actually, there can definately be problems with “other care” at too early an age. We have some “socialization” difficulties with one of our sons, and I can’t help but wonder if the seeds for it weren’t sewn back when he attended this one Montessori school half-time at age 3. (Of course, the oldest son had lots of “other care” at an early age as well, and he’s my most compliant. )

My husband is a Catholic school teacher and though we live in a fairly reasonably priced housing market, there’s no way we could get by on his income alone (the benefits are so high, too). Working for the Church certainly has many perks in this life and the next, but allowing for a credible income to provide for an even moderately large family is not one of them. My husband is very talented and has been able to string together some work on the side, and I consider myself lucky to work only part-time, and we’re able to make ends meet. It’s not ideal but we are very blessed to have family who watches our child when we are both working, giving peace of mind and saving childcare expenses significantly. I can definitely appreciate the way our limited income has pushed us to prioritize our spending and stretch our income to the fullest, though.

It’s a bit hard- got to clean up at the end of every weekend, because as of Monday-Friday, the front half of the house is “daycare”, limiting us to only 4 rooms of an 8 room house to live in. But it’s been great for the first 6 years of my son’s life, and it’s nice to know I have a backup in my incredibly unstable industry.