mj0719: God bless you for choosing life for your daughter, and for loving her despite the trauma you experienced prior to and during her conception. The “pro-choice” community could learn a lot from you.

Catherine: true, we are not going to have a life chock-full of happiness until when (please God) we get to Heaven. We are all given crosses which we must embrace. This does not mean subjecting ourselves to unnecessary abuse. Furthermore, your private interpretation of individual scriptures is no substitute for the Catechism which interprets the Bible as a whole under the guidance of the magesterium is in turn guided by the Holy Spirit. If Rome decides that a marriage was not sacramental, then there is no sin involved with divorce and remarriage.

Heidi, thank you for an excellent article.

“…the questions that are being asked for the child who is being brought into the marriage are in many cases the same questions you should be asking (in advance) for any child that would be born into a marriage….”

Very well said and a very good article. The comments generated obviously are heartfelt by all. Marriage in the US has become a many faceted problem. As a priest for 30 years, it is my concerned that most (almost all) young couples seeking marriage have a “kind of” contraceptive mentality in marriage prep. By that I mean they DO NOT think of parenting in their decision to marry. It is something in the future.
I try to point out that the unitive aspect of marriage has a two fold vocation:
1. It is the vocation of the married couple to bring one another to Christ.
2. It is the vocation of the married couple to bring their children to Christ.

In the second case, one can say that the unitive aspect is at the service of the procreative.

I agree with Mally that the points in the article could be or should be the consideration for all women preparing for marriage. I would like see a reworded article for that purpose.

Thanks Heidi.

I was raped almost two years ago and conceived as a result. I spent the many months of my pregnancy discerning God’s will (adoption vs. parenting myself), and ultimately I decided he was calling me to raise my child. I now have a beautiful little girl and couldn’t imagine my life without her. Even though she came to me out of a horrible situation, I know my daughter is the best gift God could ever give me.

The birth of my daughter has not erased my long-held conviction that I am called to the vocation of marriage. (Catherine: would you have my little girl live her life without a father, or with the rapist involved in her life as her “father”? I certainly hope you would think long and hard before answering “yes” to either.) I am thankful for the reminder this article has given me to be patient and careful in choosing a husband, and a father for my child–perhaps children. As you say, I know it will be well worth the wait to hold out for the one God has in store for us!

Catherine,

Please believe me – I am not a “casual” Catholic. My marriage is suffering right now because my DH doesn’t want anymore kids & I won’t use artificial birth control. I don’t take our faith any more lightly than you do.

If the article was encouraging women to walk away from unhappy marriages, you would have a point, but since instead, it is addressing women who actually *are* in a position to be thinking of re-marriage — or are not Catholic & don’t view marriage as a sacrament (many of them don’t even get “covenant”) to give their children careful consideration in their remarriage plans, it appears that you are getting yourself worked into a devout frenzy needlessly.

Maybe you should go back & read it more calmly – it sounds like you are seeing something you expected or maybe projected rather than what is actually there.

At best, imo, a reminder in the comments that the sacramentality of a marriage needs to be determined by the Church rather than the individual & that we should do what we can to support shaky marriages would be sufficient.
God’s peace to you!

Mary, I’m so happy for you! I’m glad God has blessed you so richly and you found a good stepfather for your children. That’s beautiful.

Isn’t abstaining from something good for “fear” that it will be abused called Jansenism? I think that may be what Catherine is experiencing–though I didn’t read all her posts. Sola Gratia refers to extreme providentialists (“even NFP is bad…) who suffer the same disillusion. Jansenism is a heresy.

In my own life, my parents divorced when I was a girl and my dad kept us. My mother moved away. Dad remarried 3 years later to a visciously abusive woman. My childhood is, in many ways, a total loss. I do think it made me a better mother, though I used to really stress myself out making sure I didn’t do to my children what was done to me. I’m still recovering.

When I was grown, I married an abusive man. He is recovering, I believe. Thanks to therapy and Greg Popcak’s books, I think we’re going to make it.

Yes, choose those potential step-parents carefully.

Lucky

Even though I think you are eliding the points made in previous responses, I understand your motive is good — that people should not stumble over our words and that is a desire we share.

I read:
“In at least one of these cases, the woman has endured years of selfishness and immaturity, supporting her family herself as her husband found one excuse after another to abdicate his financial responsibilities to his family.”.

1.Thus divorce, not annulment, is the issue.
2.The tone seems to me to be anti-men.

God bless,

NoelFitz.
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In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
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