Momof11

Now we've been married almost 5 years.  We have two children and a third on the way, we've paid off all our debt, and recently bought our first house.  I am a stay at home mom and we live off my husband's income.  Life is wonderful.  I can honestly say, finally, that I am glad we got married when we did and the struggles were worth it for the beautiful family we have today.  Having been married nearly 5 years, we seem to be over the "hump" of adjusting to each other and the loss of independence that entails, and it is a joy to realize each day that I am married to such a wonderful man. 

From my current vantage point, looking back, I think the most helpful thing for us as we prepared for marriage (we dated for about 18 months and were engaged for 14 months further) would have been for someone to walk us through how to "do" early marriage rather than just advising against it or cheerleading for it.  There were several respected people in our lives who simply told us they thought we were too young and unprepared.  Others rejoiced with us in our love and openness to life.  But no one really shared their experiences of what to expect when getting married much younger than our society's norm.  Over time, we learned to pay cash for used cars, cook from scratch, shop at thrift stores, and not expect the social life of most people in their early twenties, but it was difficult to figure out on our own. 

Just as priests are chaste for their beloved, unmarried people can be chaste too. (Indeed, we're all called to chastity within our state in life.) 

I do understan the progressive nature of growing in holiness, therefore, parents need live the truth within their state of life and continue to call their children–of all ages– to embrace reality and not the false promises of a pagan life.

(addendum:  my sister informed me that young men in their early 20s are starting to get vasectomies so they can fornicate without marriage EVER being on the horizon.  The despair of such an act saddens me beyond measure.  I think we should all offer up the suffering of living our state in life chastely for our young people who seem without hope. Christopher West actually calls the marriage bed the "alter" upon which married couples offer up the consumation of their love…if you've never pondered the mysterious sacrificial nature of married sexual love, I would recommend spending time doing so.  Your love for your spouse and for God will increase.)

Thanks for this discussion.  It is truly needed….we are created male and female and sexual beings for a reason.  We as integrated people need to be led in this study by the Church….so, priests, if you're out there reading these posts, how about a few homilies on topic?

Yes, it does. It poses several risks, not only to personal development but very real physical risks to women.  Fertility for women is optimum between 17 and 24, this is simple science.  It decreases steadily through the late 20's and 30's.  Physically pregnancy is much easier for the 20 something then the 30 or 40 something. Not that women in their 30's and 40's can't and don't love being pregnant but this has been true for me and for many other women I have been in contact with throughout the years. 

Another real risk is women's risk of breast cancer.  The later a woman experiences her first full term pregnancy the more her risk of breast cancer increases.

As for personal development, one can take the stand that delaying marriage and focusing on only oneself can be hazardous to one's development.

For the folks worried about NoelFitz's comments, he did not say to approve of the actions but to maintain the relationship.  You will never be able to influence in a positive manner people with whom you have no relationship and that includes your own children.  I'm continually stunned by Catholics who treat their children as if they are not equal in human dignity and worthy of respect.

God bless ~

married in 1989 at 20 to Bill now 39 and mom to seven ages 18 to one

Thank you for your replies to me. 

I think the answer is to discern. 

One wants to do what is really best for our children.

Before Christmas our priest shared some thoughts at Mass.  He said parents, especially mothers, asked him to go easy on their children who would be attending Mass at Christmas, maybe the first time since Eaastrer.  The priest was in a quandary about how to welcome these young folk back to Mass, yet discourage them from receiving, unless they were reconciled with the Church.

As usual he did a great job.

God bless,

NoelFitz.
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In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
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I was going to recommend the same book.

I felt odd reading this article, I guess because I didn't realize how "strange" I am, having gotten married when I was 21…coming up on my 20th anniversary in May!

NoelFitz,

 What you suggest is in direct contradiction to what Jesus preached.

" He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me."  Matt 10:37 (Douay-Rheims)

We are not doing anyone any favors by allowing our children to continue in mortal sin and pretending that it's not happening in order to "keep peace" in the family. We endanger both their souls and our own.

How much mortal sin should we permit under our roof?

At what point does such permissiveness undermine not only our children's, but our own beliefs?

Not easy questions, I am afraid.

Being a parent nowadays is difficult, especially since some girs mature at three and boys at thirty three.

God bless,

NoelFitz.
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In necessariis, unitas; in dubiis, libertas; in omnibus, caritas.
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I talked to my son about it.  We would welcome his girlfriend as his wife if he chooses to get married & we would continue to help them get on their feet financially.  There isn't anything wrong with a little efficiency apartment with some second hand furniture.  There are ways to have a decent life, even if you purchase things from Goodwill & the Dollar Store, take your lunch to work or school & cook all of your meals at home.  Some newly weds ride a bus, use less airconditioning, drive a second hand car, do not eat out and even dry their clothes on a clothes line.  Necessity is the mother of invention.

Many young people are unwilling to accept "poverty" as newlyweds today.  They want to walk out into a life as good as their parents have, after a lifetime of working.

I remember that I could only afford to buy my husband a package of socks our first Christmas together.  But, he didn't care.  We loved each other and we still do.  That is what really matters.