I'm sorry about the situation in which you find yourself involved.  I agree with everything you said.  I have a friend who was married and divorced and who received and annulment and remarried (in the Church).  She will not serve on any leadership positions within the church, including extraordinary minister of communion, because of the risk of causing scandal.  She is one of the holiest people I know.  I don't know specifics of her situation, but she seems to have approached it with humility.  She is not proud of her past and the divorce or her annulment.  It doesn't appear that there is anybody willing to appeal this annulment, however, I've read that many annulments granted here in the US are reversed upon appeal in Rome.  (even years after the original decree of nulity)

I also think that you do need to protect your children from the influence of your brother and his "latest".  On Judgement Day you and your husband will be held accountable for how you raised your children.  Stand your ground with charity.  Your brother made his choices and you are allowed to make yours for your family.

Thank you for fighting the good fight in defense of the sanctity of marriage and family.  May the HOly Family be with you in your struggle.

I am embarrassed for them and angry at the church. My brother even asked me to be a witness for his annulment and I wrote that he shouldn't get one! But of course he did anyhow.

Why would my brother think it is okay to date before an annulment is granted? My mom thinks that because he works for the church, he can do no wrong. My parents also didn't let me even talk to children of divorced parents when I was growing up. My, how their tune has changed with my brothers bad decisions.

We don't want our kids around my brother, his fiancee and her two kids. We don't think they are good examples. This decision has my parents upset with us.

Enough venting. Thank you, Mary Beth for the great article. It is so well written and I hope to share it with my parents and brother sometime soon. 

Actually, I've tried several times, but God invariably reminds me that HE knew what our marriage would be and put us together for a reason….for His purpose.  And so, we remain (46 years), without the relationship God wanted for us, but with a commitment that so few these days understand (not even our children). 

In the long run, the hardest words in the English language are not "I'm sorry", or "I forgive you".  The hardest word, today, is commitment.  The general lack of understanding of that word is what led to my abandoning my faith for 20 years, until I became mature enough to understand the Scripture, "Obedience is better than sacrifice" (1 Sam. 15:22, Ps. 50:8, Mic. 6:6).                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Point well taken on all fronts.  I apologize if I was insensitive in my comments.  I know that love and sticking it out are acts of the will and on occasion feelings don't correspond with the will.  My love and prayers go out to folks in such marital situations.  You are heroic and indeed powered by grace.  I will say no more at the risk of being flippant.

The following is great:  why not give God best odds for saving one and all of the clan by marrying into Catholic piety as much or more than love?

And Jesus told us not to put "The Lord, your God, to the test!" anyway!

It's good to network with CE folks with strong marriages who live lives of good example and give excellent advice and anecdotes.

 "Has your spouse – indeed, has any spouse of CE aficionadoes – provided that spark to so concentrate on God and His eternal love and care"

In the accepting and the living out of this reality, our marriage has grown light-years from the young immature commitment we had in our teens when we were married. Once we accepted that we were to bring each others to heaven, and the outpouring of our love was the making of new little saints who we were commanded to teach and bring them along, our whole marriage became grace-filled. This process didn't make it easier, just stronger.

I thank God every day for my faithful husband. Not only faithful to me, but first and foremost, to his God.

"Do not try to please everybody. Try to please God , the angels, and the saints. These are your public. If you are afraid of other people's opinion, you should not have become Christian." St John Vianney

My husband knew of the importance of my faith and much of what it meant well before we were engaged.  And we discussed and agreed upon all critical areas before marriage (including the implications for family planning). 

 At this point at almost 13 years of marriage and around 7 years of going to Mass with me and our children, he is attending RCIA with a clear idea of what he is converting to.

 As with elkabrikir I do believe that the graces given us at our marriage and living open to life (and the gift of each other) were of utmost importance in our marriage.  

 As for how many in our culture so completely fail to understand marriage as to be unable to have a valid marriage all I can say is that in the small group section of our premarital course (6 or 7 couples) we were the only couple to not be living together.  Everyone else in their introduction stated something to the effect of we're so-and-so and we've been living together for x number of years as if it was only to be expected.  I greatly admired the organizers of that premarriage course for clearly teaching the Church's stance on sexual matters and challenging everyone to start living chastely particularly given their audience.

I had a very long post in response, Elka – somehow, it just never got posted (!!!!!)

Simply – why not give God best odds for saving one and all of the clan by marrying into Catholic piety as much or more than love?

No offense, but my late very Catholic wife gave me and everyone who took to her assists on very salvation from her prayeful heart. Has your spouse – indeed, has any spouse of CE aficionadoes – provided that spark to so concentrate on God and His eternal love and care?

Marrying Sharon and realizing prayerful piety through her was the most important turning point in my life. It was like a Baptismal renewal into heavenly heights. Now, quite frankly, she is the one saint I know with whom I have had contact in my life. As her own confessor noted, either Sharon’s with God – or, we are wrong to believe in God.

Marry best in marrying powerful Catholicism.

Remember, I love you, too

Reminding that we are all on the same side – His,

Pristinus Sapienter

(wljewell @newcesite.com or … yahoo.com)