"When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children,… [s]he said to Jacob, 'Give me children, or else I will die'" (Genesis 30:1).
Sometime in the middle of the 1960s, an engaged couple sat making plans for married life. They longed to hear the fabled "patter of little feet," praying it would rise to a clamor before long. The two hailed from large and loving families and were eager to fill a home of their own with new young lives.
They married on a windy day in October of 1964, with a spray of rice and squall of bells. Already, the bride, a resourceful seamstress, was mentally calculating the lengths of fabric she would need to create a quilted crib set for her first little one, wondering if she ought to cut up her gown for a Christening robe. Her head swam with favorite names for future children: Alice, Mary, Florence, Eileen, Joseph, Michael, James, John…. So many beautiful possibilities.
The couple returned from Atlantic City and settled into normal life, looking forward to the hour they would welcome a first child into their home. Days passed, dissolving into weeks, then dragging on to months, but still no babies came. Each page ripped off the calendar was itself a wrenched hope, wrinkled into the dismal wastebasket of years.
One chilly afternoon, the wife was feeling especially downcast. She blessed herself at the door of a local church and sank at the foot of an imposing statue of St. Joseph. Unexpectedly and insistently, the turbulence in her heart swelled into tears — tears of grief and desolation, and tears of something teetering near, but never quite falling into, despair. She cried to the Saint from the depths of her heart (a "prayer" she would often recount to her daughter later):
"How could you let this happen to me? I've always been so devoted to you, even as a child! Why don't I have a baby?!"
Later that day, she felt remorseful and foolish for having spoken so sharply to Good St. Joseph, but he, having been the most perfect of spouses while on earth, surely understood the lamentations of a sorrowful wife. He also seems to have had a word with his foster Son, because, two weeks later, she found out she was expecting.
I am an only child. My mother bought her milk by the quart and frequented the express line at supermarkets. My father brought me to work with him now and then, and, unlike most of the families on our block, we never needed a Station Wagon. I had my own room, first choice of afternoon television shows, and the prizes in every box of cereal. Our home was calm, content, and quiet.
By God's grace, the only child is now a mother of seven, and I cannot help but celebrate the gift of a bustling, busy family. Yet in my quiet moments of reflection, I remember that our large family, in many ways, sprang from a quieter place — from the recesses of a home with only one small olive branch lovingly tended. If the truth is known, the desire for children burning at the very dawn of our marriage came, not from any wisdom or foresight, but because of the example of faithful parents who taught that children are indeed a precious gift, but by no means assured. Thanks to their example and even their disappointment, time seemed of the essence, even at twenty four. Perhaps this blessed sense of urgency was God's gift in the days when I thought time and childbearing would go on forever. I like to think it was His answer to my parents' desperate prayers so many years before.
According to the Catechism, "Sacred Scripture and the Church's traditional practice see in large families a sign of God's blessing and the parents' generosity" (CCC 2373).
Large families are a vivid and visible sign, a beacon of Faith in a world that has too often rejected God's gifts. Yet we know with certainty that our Father in Heaven also sees in secret. He notices the mother shedding a tear as she puts her only child's crib in storage or the father praying for his wife on the way to work, and, in their grief and anxiety, He Himself sees "a sign of God's blessing and the parent's generosity." He holds their hearts in His and knows that their suffering is not in vain. These couples tread a path that "radiate[s] a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice" (CCC 1654). Theirs is a hard fought tribute to the Sanctity of Life.
When our dear Lord came to earth, He blessed small families forever by choosing one for Himself. May we never cease to praise Him for the hidden violets in His heavenly garden.
June 11th, 2007 at 6:35 am
Thank you so much for this article. It is very unlikely that I will have more than one child (even that one is going to be challenging), and I have often worried about raising a child without siblings. I have recently found comfort in the fact that the Holy Family was a family of three. Thank you for giving a voice to those of us who are not blessed with large families despite being open to life.
June 11th, 2007 at 8:00 am
I always dreamed of having a large family. God obviously saw it differently, since I don't have any. But I take an immense consolation in a couple of Scripture passages:
"Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in travail!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her that is married, says the LORD." ~Is. 54:1
"For blessed is the barren woman who is undefiled,
who has not entered into a sinful union;
she will have fruit when God examines souls." ~Wis. 3:13
June 11th, 2007 at 8:09 am
Thank you for this very beautiful article….thank you for the reminder that we are all called to do God's work in humility…..and that no work is too small…
June 11th, 2007 at 9:13 am
Stay tuned — there is another installment in this beautiful series by Alice Gunther.
June 11th, 2007 at 10:20 am
The blessing of a family is beyond measure. Regardless of it being large or small or just the couple themselves. Family is all! It is the place where we are ourselves. It is where we let our hair down and truly live the most important part of our lives.
The people we touch in our home, through our home and from our home are the essence of love. Jesus lived 10 years in his family for every one that he lived publically doing what He was called to do.
The gift of human life is so glorious that it makes us huddle in little groups, declaring "THIS IS MY FAMILY". It begins and ends right here in this thing called FAMILY.
May all of us who are in a family rejoice and be glad. God gives us love and it forms families. One love or more is a family. A bunch of loves is a family. And I rejoice in two or more who love. Call me corny but I like family the best.
I pray that all couples may experience true family … here and in heaven. Prayers for all those who want more than they have right now. Prayers for those who are at the end of their ropes. They are beautiful and seek fulfillment in a bigger family. May God give them that and more.
GK - God is good!
June 11th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Whenever I meet someone new and they discover that I have 11 children I will hear - "You must be a saint!" I try to quickly reply - "Well, I certainly hope God thinks so!". But this is can be difficult as some (usually Catholic) parents feel they need to explain their smaller family. It makes me sad that we have done that to each other. Family size does not - ever - equal holiness. I like to remind these parents that "Mary and Joseph had only one!" and that despite their claims to my obvious sanctity, my husband and children will happily provide the proof that they are wrong!
June 11th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
God loves you .
As ‘Grandpa’, I would hope the next installment would have news of the great and nearly unautterable joy of those two who wanted a houseful and had but the one Alice. ‘But the one’ has done their dreams proud, high, wide and handsome.
God be praised in Saint Joseph, a man’s man and ever a father.
redwallabbey13, I’ll take the wager. Post in prayer requests the one sentence each child and your husband says reflects you to him/her, and I’ll bet you are nearly flagrantly and unabashedly saintly in their eyes. Betcha a Rosary, Mom!
Remember, I love you, too
Through Christ, with Christ, in Christ,
Pristinus Sapienter
(wljewell @catholicexchange.com or … yahoo.com)
June 13th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
A perfectly beautiful article!
Karen Edmisten
August 6th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Great article.